Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Time

I love adore my son and love him with all of my heart. He is wonderful and I just can't imagine life without him. As much as I love him, I love his first nap too. When he takes his morning nap I get two precious hours to be with just Lula Mae. I feel guilty for looking forward to it so much sometimes.

Two hours to....
*Do school together
*Pray
*Read the Bible
*Build a strong relationship
*Cuddle
*Listen to her talk and sing
*Tickle and play
*Color
* Read books over and over
*Go over her Catechism questions
*Go over her Bible verses

They are the two fastest hours of my day. I love to just sit with her and study her little features that won't be little much longer. I love to hear her laugh and say silly things. I love to see the expressions on her face when she concentrates really hard. I love to soak up every ounce of her in those two hours. She is growing so fast and I don't want to miss anything.

There are days when I put her to bed and wonder if I spent enough time with her. I wonder if she feels loved. I wonder if she feels safe. I am no super woman, so I know there are days when I am busy and don't give her enough of myself. Parenting is a delicate balance. If I spend all my time with my kids we would live in filth and have nothing to eat but crackers and water. So part of loving my kids is doing my housework. It is hard for me, having OCD, to find this balance. I am trying harder these days. I don't want my kids to look back on their lives and not remember me being in them. I don't want them to just remember that I was always cleaning and was always too busy to play. I want them to remember me.

4 comments:

Tiffany said...

They won't remember the state of the house, trust me. Growing up with an OCD mom, I wished for days we could just NOT do the housework (even though the house was never dirty) and just play. You are doing right by your kiddos. She will remember the books. I know I do.

Rachel said...

Balance is that elusive thing! But you care enough to desire it and to really cherish your time with your children... and just think, you'll have that time with your little man too when Lula Mae gets into school :)

Michelle said...

It is soooo hard to find that balance! That's why part of the title of my blog is called "heartfelt balance". Still not there yet. My kids are a little older than yours. I can't remember my daughter's nap time whether I got to spend time with Logan. It's been over 2 years since she's taken a nap. But, this school year I have them on opposite schedules. He goes to kindergarten in the morning and she has preschool in the afternoon 2 days a week. This is my "alone" time with Logan. I figured it would be the last time I got alone time with him, as he'll be in school from 8:00-4:00 next year. And Jaycee's school is quickly coming to an end.
:( Jaycee's school will be over in the middle of May. Most people thought I was crazy when I scheduled them that way, saying "Don't you want a couple hours a week to yourself?". I knew my "alone" time could wait another year. I found you through someone else's comments. I saw the name Jayce--my daughter is Jaycee. I'm following you now!

Emmy said...

Nap time is precious to me too - but it is because my other two are at school and so it is me time. And now I feel kind of guilty for liking it so much.