I love adore my son and love him with all of my heart. He is wonderful and I just can't imagine life without him. As much as I love him, I love his first nap too. When he takes his morning nap I get two precious hours to be with just Lula Mae. I feel guilty for looking forward to it so much sometimes.
Two hours to....
*Do school together
*Read the Bible
*Build a strong relationship
*Listen to her talk and sing
*Tickle and play
* Read books over and over
*Go over her Catechism questions
*Go over her Bible verses
They are the two fastest hours of my day. I love to just sit with her and study her little features that won't be little much longer. I love to hear her laugh and say silly things. I love to see the expressions on her face when she concentrates really hard. I love to soak up every ounce of her in those two hours. She is growing so fast and I don't want to miss anything.
There are days when I put her to bed and wonder if I spent enough time with her. I wonder if she feels loved. I wonder if she feels safe. I am no super woman, so I know there are days when I am busy and don't give her enough of myself. Parenting is a delicate balance. If I spend all my time with my kids we would live in filth and have nothing to eat but crackers and water. So part of loving my kids is doing my housework. It is hard for me, having OCD, to find this balance. I am trying harder these days. I don't want my kids to look back on their lives and not remember me being in them. I don't want them to just remember that I was always cleaning and was always too busy to play. I want them to remember me.