Saturday, April 27, 2013
Precious child, I am not your Mother. I am not Mommy. I am not Momma. I am not your Mom. Not because I would not love to be, but because that is just not the job God gave me in your life. I won't be the one who runs to you in the middle of the night when you cry. I won't be the one who rocks you countless hours through growth spurts and teething. I won't be the one who soothes you when you just can't figure out what you want. I won't be the one who sits with out stretched arms as you take your first wobbly steps. I won't be the one who worries over every tiny cough and sniffle you get. I won't be the one who squeals in delight at the first sound of "mama" that comes from your lips. I won't be the one who walks you into your first day of school. I won't be the one who holds you while you cry because life is just so hard. I won't be the one who helps you pick out your prom dress. I won't be the one beaming with pride at your graduation. I won't be the one sitting in the front row at your wedding wondering where time went. I won't be the one you call when you have questions about how to take care of your new baby.
God gave me a very special part in your life, but being your Mother is not it. I am your vessel. I am your all-you-can-eat-buffet. I am your life raft. I am your incubator. I am your cocoon. I am your cozy nest. I am your babysitter. I am your prayer warrior. I am your oxygen supply. These don't sound as fun, but I assure you, they are. I am proud to be these things for you. I am honored that God chose me for this job. I am thankful that He is using me for such an amazing job and I am not sure I will ever wrap my head around it fully. Don't be confused on who I am, know that I am your surrogate. Your Mother is an amazing woman who you will soon grow so close to that the memory of me will fade like a dream. Don't let that worry you, I should fade. You should go from needing me to needing her. That is exactly what God wants to happen. While God is using me to prepare you for her, she is preparing for you. It is a delicate dance that we are learning, but it is incredibly worth it.
You will hold a special place in my heart forever sweet girl. You will be a constant reminder to my family of what an awesome God we serve! You will be a treasure that we will hold dear, even though you won't be with us. Your journey, your story, your life.... we will cling to those when we miss you.
I will never be your Mother Amelia, but I will always love you. I will always pray for you. I will always remember our precious time together. I will always remember your tiny flutters and kicks. I will always feel honored to have been a part of your life.
God has great plans for you little one, I just know it. God has used you to help change me just a little bit more into the image of His son, and for that I can't thank you enough. There are no words to express just how grateful I am to you for how much you have helped me grow and change. Trust in Him Amelia and He will carry you far!