The Softest Painful Things Ever....

So, I am pumping, for technically the very first time.... yeah.... ummmmmmm.....


Two words....


TOWELS and SHOWER


My worst enemies. How can two of the softest things you can think of hurt so bad?


Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. 


I will survive this..... but again I say.... ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!!!!

A New Chapter

On August 23, 2013 at 4:44 pm a chapter of my life came to an end. The sweet baby girl God grew within me was born! 8 lbs 5 oz and 21 1/2 inches long, beautiful child. She is more beautiful than I could have ever imagined, a true masterpiece of God! My labor and delivery was drenched in God's grace and His mercy! Every second of every minute I could feel God working and moving. It is an experience I will never forget as long as I live!

Our surrogacy journey has come to an end and a new chapter in my life has started. There is no longer a baby growing inside of me. Now she is in the arms of her mother and father, being loved beyond measure! They have waited with empty arms for so long, and now they are holding a sweet baby! My arms and womb are empty but my heart is so full! This journey has filled me with more joy than I ever thought possible. God has left me speechless!

While the surrogacy is over, this is not the end. Now I get to enjoy watching my dear friends raise their little girl! It will be a lifelong journey that I am so blessed to be a part of. Still, the chapter of my life is changing. I can't help but wonder what this new chapter will look like? The last one was so distinct, so profound, so amazing! How do you follow that?

I am not sure what the new chapter will look like exactly, but that's okay. I know it will involve being a mommy, a wife, a friend. There will be homeschooling, family trips, activities, adventures, fun times, hard times, times that make me want to pull my hair out.... this chapter will be full of all kinds of things and I am excited to see where it takes me!

To everyone who joined us on our surrogacy journey, thank you. Thank you for your support, encouragement and prayers. I can't fully express how much it meant to me! From the bottom of my heart, thank you! I hope that you enjoyed it as much as I did, but I hope even more that God used it in your life somehow.

32 Weeks And Counting

 

This was me at 30 weeks actually but hey, what can I say.... I have been a little bit too busy to take a ton of pictures! My goodness having a 5 year old and a 3 year old and being pregnant is crazy! Way different from my last experience for sure! I feel great however and am having a great pregnancy. But when bedtime rolls around I KNOW IT! My body is DONE at the end of the day for sure! Sweet Amelia is still the calmest baby I have every had the pleasure of carrying. She is such a delicate little mover. I can't wait to see if she keeps that up once she enters the world! Which, can you believe we are nearing the end of this journey already? Crazy! If I go early like I did with my two kids I could technically have her in like 4 weeks! WOW! I am not ready (even though I know her Mommy and Daddy are MORE than ready!). I want to enjoy my last little bit of time with her. I adore having this life being formed within me. It is an amazing thing that I just can't explain well enough with words. This little baby is teaching me so much! God is using this experience to grow me in ways I never thought possible. So while I will be excited for delivery... I don't want to rush it at all.  Lula Mae is starting to get excited to see what she will look like. She loves telling people about her surro-sister and is really understanding everything well. I know after she is born we may hit some bumps with the kids, but I am confident that God is ready to handle them! 

Lula Mae and Jayce are just as crazy as ever. Jayce is actually making a lot of progress with his behavior these days, and for that I am thankful! Lula Mae however.... well, no one told me 5 was gonna be such a challenge! WOW! That girls will gets stronger and stronger every day I swear! She is quite difficult these days, but I love her too much to give up on her. I tell her that probably 6 times a day! God has a plan for that girl and I can't wait to see what it is! 

Blog world... I miss you! I miss everything about you! I am ready to quit making excesses and just get back to what I enjoy! I hope all has been well out there in blogland! I am so far behind and will never "catch up" but I will certainly pick back up and enjoy your wonderful blogs! Ahhhh, free therapy... and trust me this momma needs a little therapy these days!

THE Question

There is one question that I get more than others....

"How are you gonna do that?"

My first reaction, which I bite my tongue and don't say out loud, is "well I am going to push this baby out just like my other kids, hopefully". But that is rude, and I don't say that. Plus I know thats not what they really mean anyway.... or at least I hope that is not what they actually mean....  

I know they really mean "How are you gonna hand over this baby?".

I guess they are expecting some long drawn out answer where I cry and and tell them I don't know. They always look confused by my answer.

I tell them I am not going to do it at all, God is. I tell them I am going to take it one day at a time, and pray every second of the way.

They also look at me crazy when I tell them this pregnancy is different than my others were. I have different feelings, different emotions, different everything. Don't get me wrong, I love her and feel connected to her, but it's so different. I truly believe God prepared me emotionally for this journey long before He even brought the desire to my heart.

I can't wait to deliver this baby. It will be wonderful and amazing and so incredibly special! I am more excited to see Esther and Scott hold their little girl for the first time! It will be a moment I treasure forever!

So how am I gonna do it? Only by the grace of God, joyfully and for God's glory! 

Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for God's glory. 

 -1 Corinthians 10:31

When that day comes, yes I may have hormonal emotions to sort out, but I know my God is more than capable of dealing with those. I just feel so much peace and so much joy that I can't think to make myself look at delivery day any other way.

By God's grace I met this couple. By God's grace I am carrying this baby. By God's grace He is using me to bring this baby into the world healthy and safe. By God's grace this journey will have a beautiful ending!

Esther and Scott are being blessed with a baby through this journey, but the blessing I am getting is multiplied by a million!

Are You My Mother?

Precious child, I am not your Mother. I am not Mommy. I am not Momma. I am not your Mom. Not because I would not love to be, but because that is just not the job God gave me in your life. I won't be the one who runs to you in the middle of the night when you cry. I won't be the one who rocks you countless hours through growth spurts and teething. I won't be the one who soothes you when you just can't figure out what you want. I won't be the one who sits with out stretched arms as you take your first wobbly steps. I won't be the one who worries over every tiny cough and sniffle you get. I won't be the one who squeals in delight at the first sound of "mama" that comes from your lips. I won't be the one who walks you into your first day of school. I won't be the one who holds you while you cry because life is just so hard. I won't be the one who helps you pick out your prom dress. I won't be the one beaming with pride at your graduation. I won't be the one sitting in the front row at your wedding wondering where time went. I won't be the one you call when you have questions about how to take care of your new baby.

God gave me a very special part in your life, but being your Mother is not it.  I am your vessel. I am your all-you-can-eat-buffet. I am your life raft. I am your incubator. I am your cocoon. I am your cozy nest. I am your babysitter. I am your prayer warrior. I am your oxygen supply. These don't sound as fun, but I assure you, they are. I am proud to be these things for you. I am honored that God chose me for this job. I am thankful that He is using me for such an amazing job and I am not sure I will ever wrap my head around it fully. Don't be confused on who I am, know that I am your surrogate. Your Mother is an amazing woman who you will soon grow so close to that the memory of me will fade like a dream. Don't let that worry you, I should fade. You should go from needing me to needing her. That is exactly what God wants to happen. While God is using me to prepare you for her, she is preparing for you. It is a delicate dance that we are learning, but it is incredibly worth it.

You will hold a special place in my heart forever sweet girl. You will be a constant reminder to my family of what an awesome God we serve! You will be a treasure that we will hold dear, even though you won't be with us. Your journey, your story, your life.... we will cling to those when we miss you. 

I will never be your Mother Amelia, but I will always love you. I will always pray for you. I will always remember our precious time together.  I will always remember your tiny flutters and kicks. I will always feel honored to have been a part of your life.

God has great plans for you little one, I just know it. God has used you to help change me just a little bit more into the image of His son, and for that I can't thank you enough. There are no words to express just how grateful I am to you for how much you have helped me grow and change. Trust in Him Amelia and He will carry you far!    

The Two Week Wait

Here we are again.

14 days of waiting.

14 days of wondering.

14 days of going back and forth between excited and nervous.

It feels different this time around. It is probably because it is Christmas time, but this two week wait is going by faster. So much faster.

One week from today I have my blood test.

Halfway through the waiting, wondering, nervous feelings.

We are also halfway through the feeling of knowing the baby is safe and sound. Right now we just know Hummingbird is in there. Thats it. I like that feeling. I like the PUPO stage. I am not sure I am ready for that to end.

I am trying to use this two weeks that God has given me as a time to "be still". I need to rest and relax, but I also just want to hear from God. It is the perfect opportunity to just sit in His presence and know that He is God. In this world it is hard to be still, and I am enjoying these moments.



Dear Hummingbird,

Are you okay in there? I guess we will see in a week, huh? Settle in for me please. Get nice and snug and cozy. Be patient with me and lets get through this next week together, okay? We can do this! So many people are praying for you and love you. They all really, really want you to stick around for a while. There is a lot of pressure on you and me Hummingbird, even if it is unintentional. Don't let it stress you out, just take it one day at a time. God's plan is perfect and know that you can trust Him no matter what.

Love,

Your Babysitter  

Tired of Lurking

I am tired of lurking in the shadows of all your blogs. I miss commenting on all of your posts.

I am tired of having no time.... and yet that is so selfish and wrong of me.

I am thankful for everything that is making me busy. Very very thankful.

Every season of life is unique and important. My heart knows this... but my brain is not quite as understanding. (already since writing this post an hour has past and I have gotten up 6 times for different things.)

I miss writing.

I miss being able to dump my brain on my blog.

I refuse to feel sad, I mean it's only a blog and only 5 people read it. There are people starving all over the world, my blog being neglected is not exactly something to be sad about.

I want to give you a quick update on where we are with the surrogacy before I end up running out of the little bit of time I actually have to write.

We are only 11 days away from the second transfer! I am already started on hormones and have had one appointment so far. Everything is right on track and we will be set to start thawing Cheerios baby brother/sister on the 11th! This cycle has FLOWN by compared to the last one. I am hoping that means the two week wait will go faster too. *crossing fingers* I am ready to have that baby safely in my womb! I am feeling tons of emotions... but that is a whole other post!

Life is busy.

I am thankful for busy.

And yet I can't help but keep thinking.... "stop the world, I want to get off!"

One day at a time.... 

The One In Which I Beg For Your Help

Help me to help them.... I am so close to selling my kidney to get this money folks so do me a favor and pray about how you can help. We have a private facebook group with 140 members on it. Did you know that if each of those members gave $30 we would raise enough money for baby O? Thats one dinner out (if you drink water and don't get an appetizer or dessert), its a new shirt, its a few mornings a week missing your Starbucks. I don't want you to give because you feel obligated, I want you to give because God leads you to! I want you to pray for Esther and Scott. I want you to pray about how you can help. I want you to think about what love really is. I want you to love these two people the way I do. I want you to love the Lord!

 

I also really need a favor from all my bloggy buddies. Could you please do a post on your blog with this widget? Can you tell your blog readers about our story and pass this on? I would owe you BIG TIME if you did that for me! Like BIG TIME!!!! ! 

We are pressing forward people! Get excited!

We will also be selling t shirts to help raise money, but that is taking time to get set up so please be patient with us :-) 

Surrogacy Update: The One I Wish Was Different

This journey has brought me so much joy, more than I can adequately express with words.

This journey has also brought me such heart ache.

My flesh is mad.
My flesh is devastated.
My flesh wants to question God.
My flesh can't understand any of this.

My faith has grown stronger.
My faith has learned to trust God's plan above my own.
My faith has stretched and pulled me in a million directions, keeping me strong when I felt as though I should be in shambles.
My God never fails.

On September 4th, right before I laid my babies down for nap, I took a pregnancy test. I left it there, thinking nothing of it. Then I got a message from my husband "so did you poas today?". I laughed. Then I went back to toss the test in the trash.... and there was that line. That second, faint little line. I called my husband and told him the news. We questioned to call E, but thought we should wait. After holding the news for 2 days I had to tell her! It was eating me alive. I felt so bad that she and her husband would never have that "sweet moment" of finding out they were pregnant so I thought and thought about how to somehow surprise them with this wonderful news. Of course, I took a neat picture.... thats just what I do.... and I sent it to her. The next few days I was praying for symptoms to start coming on so that I felt "pregnant" and could breath a sigh of relief. I wanted to be throwing up and so tired I could not keep my eyes open. I told myself that this pregnancy would just be more like my sons where I had zero symptoms, but yet I was still on edge.... so ready for my blood test to tell me I was in fact pregnant. The morning of the test we were on our way to Disney World for our family vacation. I walked into that office positive that my numbers would be high enough that E would feel ready to post our results to all of our friends and family. Hours went by and no phone call... we all were wondering how long it could possibly take! Then that familiar number popped up on my phone and I was so excited, ready to hear those amazing words "you're pregnant!". When I answered and heard Lindsay's voice I knew something was wrong. She finally got out the words "it was negative".... my heart sunk and I felt as though I had just been hit by a train. My first reaction was "the test is wrong, I got a positive test a week ago! Run it again!". The denial hit fast. Then she explained how they were sure it was right and that I had lost the baby. I had lost their baby.

Devastated does not do justice to how I was feeling at that moment.
Anger.
Denial.
Guilt.
Anger.
Anger.
Anger.

I was so confused. How could I get a positive test and the blood test was negative? God knew this would happen, and He planned it that way. I knew that, but could not grasp that at this point.

My husband and I lost our first baby, Taylor, and it was devastating. I can tell you, losing someone elses baby is unfathomable.

I prepared myself for a negative and I prepared myself for a positive. I did not however prepare myself for losing their baby so swiftly after having him nestle into my womb. For 7 days I was pregnant. I got to feel like God's vessel for 7 blissful days. For those 7 days I imagined my belly growing bigger, explaining this act of service to my children, preparing for the birth.... I imagined how wonderful the moment would be when they placed that baby in E's arms.

Those negative results robbed me of all of these things. It took away so much from my precious friend and it made me ache for her. Even though I know this is not my fault, I am struggling to truly believe that. I keep wondering what I did to mess this up, what I could have done different. I have lots of things I need to work through, the guilt is for sure the biggest.

I look at my kids and wonder why God picked me... why am I so blessed with fertility? I am humbled by this experience in so many ways. There are couples who go through this devastation month after month, year after year. I am overly blessed and take my fertility for granted day after day.

I only find joy in Jesus. He brings me Joy. Knowing that he is holding this sweet baby in his arms brings me joy. knowing He gave me 7 days to hold that blessing in my womb gives me great joy.  Sweet Cheerio may have been their bundle, but he was certainly my joy!

Continue to pray for our journey because although this chapter is coming to a close, there is a new one on the horizon. The Lord knows what is to come and I am grateful to be apart of this amazing experience!

His anger lasts only a moment. His favor lasts a lifetime. Weeping may last for the night, but there is a song of joy in the morning.

Psalms 30:5

Today

Today the first baby is being thawed. We will be kept up to speed through the process, but it is all in God's hands.

Knowing that after the transfer I need to be resting and relaxing as much as possible, I am spending today trying to play with the kids. I say trying because they are in the kinds of moods where they just don't want mom all that much. So instead, I am deep cleaning. I am doing all the things I may not get to for a week or so.

One thing I don't have to worry about doing is cooking for a while. Esther's parents graciously sent us an obscene amount of restaurant gift cards! Charlie will be able to just go grab us a bite without having to worry about cooking with the little ones under foot. It will be such a huge help!

It feels like a dream that the day has come. Tomorrow is the day! Now I am just praying and praying that God thaws the first baby perfectly. If not I hope the second one thaws without a hitch. The thought of not getting to go through the procedure at this point almost takes my breath away. I am trying to to think in that direction, but my brain is having trouble not going there.

I trust Him. I know His plan is perfect. I love His love for me, and for Esther and Scott and their precious little ones.

Tomorrow I plan on laying in the bed and doing nothing but keeping a tiny baby safe! I am sure tomorrow my kids will be begging me to play ;-) thats how it goes, right?

I promise I will keep you updated!!!!

Houston, We Have A Problem....

Today is day 46 in our surrogacy journey, and we are closing in on the big day! 

So, yesterday was day one of the progesterone shots. My hubster was trained to be a combat lifesaver so I was counting on him to help me out with these big shots.

I had him watch the little video on it just to be sure he was ready.

Then his face turned white and he said "his fingers went numb". Then he appologized and said there was no way he could give these shots to me. Did I mention he hates needles???? Soooooo, with him out of the running I told myself I would have to do them. No big deal, I have been doing the other shots no problem. So I got the shots ready, cleaned the area.... and sat there.... and sat there.... and sat there! Just holding the shot, every now and then pulling back as though I was about to dart it into my thigh.

This little dance went on for half and hour before I convinced myself there was no way I could do it. So I called my mom and had her come over and give it to me. She has been giving herself B-12 shots for a while so I trusted she knew what she was doing.

 Getting the shot was nothing. The anticipation of giving it to myself was what killed me. I just could not do it. I am lucky that my mom lives about a mile from my house and can just stop by each morning and help me. 

I know, you are all thinking "what is the big deal?".......

 

The needle on the left is the one I have been doing in my belly for a while now... the one on the RIGHT is the progesterone.... ain't gonna happen! 

And to add to the fun I have now started having to take lots of medication. Since my mind is kinda slow these days I have made myself notes of when to take each one.

We are now 4 days away from the big day! 4 DAYS!!!! I cannot believe that we are almost there. Now the biggest anxiety I have is about the thawing of the babies. It is such a delicate process and I am just praying and praying that God allows them to survive! I want so badly for this to work, so badly that my soul aches at the thought of a bad outcome.

There is no turning back now! Are you as excited as I am????? On Tuesday would you all please pray for the first baby to thaw perfectly. Then on Wednesday just pray that all goes smooth and that God's will is done!

Day 7: Surrogacy Update

I posted this on Carried and I wanted to share the same post on my blog:


"Today I had my very first appointment! It went great. They took what seemed like a ton of blood, but it was fine. The ultrasound was great too. I was pretty nervous about what it would be like... mostly if it was going to be messy (filling someones uterus with saline while simultaneously doing an ultrasound just seemed messy in my head) but also if it was going to hurt. Luckily it was smooth sailing and was no big deal. The doctor was incredibly excited about my uterus, which was a little weird, but he was even more excited about my ovaries. Not gonna lie, for a strange man to ohhhh and ahhhh over my ovaries is a bit odd but I guess it was a compliment. So the overall conclusion was that my uterus is a happy home so thats AMAZING! The blood work should be back in about a week and then we are all go! Beside me right now is our PROTOCOL! Ahhhhhhhhh! I have read it nearly 50 times.... it is music to my little OCD ears! All these dates and instructions helps me feel ready. I like feeling prepared. I also just took my very first birth control pill to start the hormone casserole that is going to be my life for the next few weeks. HERE WE GO!!!!!!!!!!!"

Yep, we have our protocol! I also already have my next appointment scheduled, it will be more blood work and another ultrasound. This time we will be checking my hormone levels and making sure via ultrasound that my body did not ovulate. After that we continue my hormone therapy and press forward toward the big day.... transfer day! Last  night when I took my first pill it officially marked the beginning for me. Like, now we are doing this.... like oh.my.word.this.is.happening.and.its.happening.now..... wow. Folks we need lots of prayers now. Pray for God's will to be done, pray for smooth appointments, pray for sanity for all of us! This is just one of many updates to come so be ready! 

 Oh, and here are my super cute kids. They are getting themselves ready for Disney by pretending to ride "roller coasters" on our bed.

Here We Go!

All readers not interested in reading about *ahem* that time of the month, should avert their eyes. This is your warning... moving on.

Wednesday was DAY 1 of my cycle. Do you know what that means... all systems are go! On Monday I will be going to my very first appointment! AHHHHHH! And can I just say this was the loooooongest wait for a period ever!

I will be having my blood work and a super special ultrasound done. They are basically going to make sure my uterus is a happy place by filling my uterus with saline and then doing an ultrasound tp check the walls. Should be interesting. Then, let the hormones begin!

I'm slightly nervous about things now. What if they don't think my uterus is happy? What if something comes back wacky on my bloodwork? Things are just getting real, and we all know.... real is scary!

Once I go to my first appointment I should get my protocol, then I will know much more about all of this. Like I said, all of this is getting very real and it is kind of overwhelming. Not in a bad way, just in a this-is-really-happening kind of way. 

Guess What We Are Wating For....

THE CONTRACT!

Yep! We have finished working on the contract and it has been signed... well half way. Considering that the 4 people involved in this journey live in two states it would be hard for us all to sign the contract at the same time. Therefore one party has completed the big signing stage, and we are anxiously awaiting our turn! After that....

BOOM!

The ball is ROLLING! More than rolling, the ball will be soaring through the air!

Are you all ready for this? See, because here is the deal... all of this is gonna be crazy emotional for me, and even more so for Esther. We have no idea how smooth or bumpy the next few steps are going to be. We have no idea what God has planned. One thing is for sure though, He is in this and I am trusting him 100%, which we all know is not easy all the time.

When God laid surrogacy on my heart, I had no idea how much He would stretch me through the process. I am learning a lot about myself, my relationships with people, my dependance on Jesus... so many things.

When you feel like God has spoken to you or laid something on your heart,  I am telling you... go for it! It is an amazing feeling and an even more amazing journey!

Don't worry, I will keep you posted on what is coming up next!

Surrogacy: Step By Step

This journey is long, and we all knew that going into it. Each step we make seems big, but there is not a set timeline that things will for sure happen. Esther and Scott came up for a visit and we all went and interviewed a clinic. It went amazing! The doctor that we met with seemed very knowledgeable and was incredibly nice. The four of us were in agreement that he seemed like a winner! Everyone there seemed very nice too. Always a plus to deal with friendly people. We have started the process with them, beginning paper work and what not. I have been acclimating myself to what this process will be like in a few months (the shots, the hormone patches, more shots, ultrasounds, blood tests, and did I mention shots?). Everything has to be precise and perfect so I am studying up now so that when the time comes I am more prepared.

But right now, we aren't there yet. Right now we are at the expensive step. Well lets be real, the whole thing is expensive! Right now we are on to the lawyers. Did you know that when a surrogate gives birth to a child who is in no way her own she has to give it up for adoption? Yep, they have to adopt their baby from the surrogate even though it is 100% their baby. Seems like just a way for lawyers to make some money to me, but hey. So right now we are at the lawyer step. We have both contacted and met with lawyers, but this step may take some time. Once the lawyers draw up a contract and we all agree on it and sign it this whole big game can get started!

Did you hear me.... basically one more step and this ball is ROLLING folks. ROLLING! I am so excited!

So this is where we are. Are you as excited as I am???? Well even if you aren't can you please pray for us? We would all really appreciate it!

Waiting

9 months is a long time to wait, when you are waiting for a baby. However, if someone told you that you had 9 months to live it would feel quite the opposite. Interesting how easily perspective can be changed.

It has been nearly 2 years since Esther and Scott's babies were created. Can you image expecting for 2 years.... and still seeing no due date in sight? I can't. Seems like torture to me.

But God is bigger than this. God has a perfect plan in perfect time.

I think it would be foolish to think that at some point in your walk with the Lord you just stop becoming impatient. Sure you gain contentment and learn to be more patient, but do we really ever stop wondering "when?"? I figure we will stop wondering that the day we take our last breath.

We are still waiting. Scott and Esther are still waiting. The months are flying by and the time line I had envisioned in my head has been skewed, several times. When a new month starts I think positively, yet by the end I begin wondering "when?".

The first step is in sight and I am very excited and yet nervous. Esther and Scott are planning a trip to visit us and while they are here we will be visiting a clinic! I feel like the ball is about to begin rolling and I can't tell you how excited that makes me!

At the same time I am nervous because I know this means doctors will have their say in things. Am I healthy enough? Would I make a good candidate for the babies/baby? Is my anxiety going to put up a big red flag? Will they find something wrong with me?

I'm terrified I have promised something to these two trusting people and it might be ripped apart right in front of them.

It boils down to the fact that I don't want to let them down. I feel peace though, because God brought us together after giving me this calling. His hand is in this and He can see it through.

Pray for us as we move closer to the appointment date and officially embark on this exciting journey!

The Beginning Of A Journey

This past weekend the Hubster and I went on a late birthday getaway. We had the chance to meet up with some new friends of ours. I met Esther by lurking around on her blog. Actually I was told about Esther by my best friend Heather. Esther and Heather are bloggy buddies and also even better buddies through Hannah's Prayer Ministries, a Christian forum and website devoted to women struggling with infertility and loss. Esther and Heather have this in common, infertility. They are two very strong women who refuse to let infertility define who they are, and I am humbled by the grace that each of them exude. I love them both and thank God for placing them both in my life.

So why did we go visit Esther and her husband? You see, Esther is special. Esther has a very special story that you can read about here. You can also read more about Esther here.

Have you ever felt a true calling from God? I Have. My calling is to help Esther give her last two babies a chance at life. God placed this heavily on my heart recently, but surrogacy has been on my heart nearly my entire life. I have prayed and prayed and been given confirmation after confirmation. God's hand is in this and I have no doubt that this will bring Him glory! I have offered to be Esther and her husbands surrogate.

Meeting them was the first "step" in our journey together. When I know more on our journey, I promise I will update you, but please know that some things I may not share because I am simply a tiny piece of this journey. Esther and her husband will have to give me permission to share our journey with you because I simply won't have it any other way. I also understand that there are moral issues with IVF and other forms of fertility treatments and I want to clear this up:

*Everyone has different views, please don't leave hurtful comments about someones choice. They made it... not you. Just be respectful when commenting on this very delicate situation.

*If you are pro life I hope that you can see where we are coming from with this. We want nothing more than to offer a chance at life to these babies that are in waiting. If it is not meant for them to have a life here on earth, then God will see that through but at least they will be in heaven and not here waiting. But if it is meant for them to have a life here on earth, I want for God to use me however He sees fit.

To close this up I will share this story with you..... While on our trip, we visited their church. It just happened to be Jan. 22nd which is when a landmark decision was made the case Roe v. Wade in 1973 giving women the constitutional right to have abortions. Here I am, sitting beside 2 people desperately wanting a baby and listening to the pastor bring awareness to the church on the issue of abortion. I swear he said the word 100 times, and each time I felt myself slouch in my seat a little farther. It was such an awkward feeling for me, and I have never even had an abortion. After we prayed for God to stop abortions and bring peace to all women who struggle with guilt because of it, the pastor got around to his message. What was it on? Investing in other peoples lives. A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. The entire messages was filled with confirmation from God on our surrogacy. FILLED! God put us in those seats, at that church, with this couple, to hear that message for a reason. We serve an awesome God!

Pray for us as this journey continues! More specifically, pray for finances to be dealt with. We are very excited to see what God has in store for us on this amazing journey together! Here is a blog Esther started just for this new journey!

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." -Ephesians 2:10