Thursday, April 19, 2012

Waiting

9 months is a long time to wait, when you are waiting for a baby. However, if someone told you that you had 9 months to live it would feel quite the opposite. Interesting how easily perspective can be changed.

It has been nearly 2 years since Esther and Scott's babies were created. Can you image expecting for 2 years.... and still seeing no due date in sight? I can't. Seems like torture to me.

But God is bigger than this. God has a perfect plan in perfect time.

I think it would be foolish to think that at some point in your walk with the Lord you just stop becoming impatient. Sure you gain contentment and learn to be more patient, but do we really ever stop wondering "when?"? I figure we will stop wondering that the day we take our last breath.

We are still waiting. Scott and Esther are still waiting. The months are flying by and the time line I had envisioned in my head has been skewed, several times. When a new month starts I think positively, yet by the end I begin wondering "when?".

The first step is in sight and I am very excited and yet nervous. Esther and Scott are planning a trip to visit us and while they are here we will be visiting a clinic! I feel like the ball is about to begin rolling and I can't tell you how excited that makes me!

At the same time I am nervous because I know this means doctors will have their say in things. Am I healthy enough? Would I make a good candidate for the babies/baby? Is my anxiety going to put up a big red flag? Will they find something wrong with me?

I'm terrified I have promised something to these two trusting people and it might be ripped apart right in front of them.

It boils down to the fact that I don't want to let them down. I feel peace though, because God brought us together after giving me this calling. His hand is in this and He can see it through.

Pray for us as we move closer to the appointment date and officially embark on this exciting journey!

6 comments:

Tiffany Bleger said...

Oh how amazing!!! Yippee!!!! Can't wait to see how God works through all this!

Jenn Earle said...

I still think how amazing it is that God has impressed this on your heart to do! He is so good. Praying for you and Esther and Scott as you all continue on this journey.

Rachel said...

Yay! I've been waiting for this update. Will continue to pray.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28!

Heather Evans said...

Praying all.the.time.

Emmy said...

So hoping it all works out

Esther said...

Between the two of us, I'm guessing we've got all the "terrifying" areas covered. ;) My fears are different from yours, though. Regardless, I'm glad we're in this together. As I've mentioned before, just the fact that you're willing means the world to me. Love you!