Thursday, December 15, 2011

They Should Really Warn You About This In The Baby Books

*Warning.... this post is GROSS! I wish I was exaggerating, but I am so not. If you have the slightest weak stomach you may want to click that little x in the corner and come visit me another day. If you are offended by the word "poop" you may also want to follow the folks with the weak stomachs. You have been warned.*

There are things they baby books tell you, things you will never need to know. And then there are things that they should put in the baby books. Like how about the fact that kids will, if given the opportunity, play in their...ugh... poop. My daughter never once did anything of the sort. Ever! So, is it just a boy thing???? Are you ready for this people... I mean, take a deep breath and prepare yourself....

Nap time was over so I headed to the kids room to get them up, like always. As I hit Jayce's room the smell hit me like a ton of bricks. "Oh great, he hates being changed right away. This will be a fun battle to start the afternoon with.... ugh...", and I preceded to open his door.

People, what I saw when I turned the light on was worse than something out of a horror movie.

If you are eating.... do me a favor and put the food away. If you are even drinking.... you may want to put that down too....

"Oh my word Jayce... is that... is that....

oh my goodness.... it IS!!!! It's POOOOOOOOP!!!"

"Oh Jayce it is all over the crib! It's all over the outside of the crib! Oh Jayce!"

"Look at your hands! JAYCE!!!! (gagging begins.) Oh this is bad! This is really REALLY bad!"

"Ahhhh! Look at your shirt! Wait, no don't touch me! Ewwwwww (gagging way more) please just don't touch me. Ummmm let me run a bath! Yeah a bath...."

"Oh your hands son! Look at your hands! YOUR FACE!!!!"

(nearly vomiting now) "Baby it is all over your FACE!!!! Jayce what in the world were you thinking! Oh my word!"

"Don't look at me with that innocent face! You have it in your nose... it's in your ears... all over your eyes.... oh honey you didn't eat it did you? (gagging profusely) Come on, lets get in the tub and try to scrub you down."

Yes folks. That.Just.Happened. I wish I was kidding. It took me like half and hour in the tub trying to scrub all the dried poop off of him. Even after his bath with lots and LOTS of soap his hands still smelled like poop. Totally gross! It took nearly a roll of paper towels to get the crib clean and I had to wash EVERYTHING in the crib. And now, Jayce is not allowed to wear anything other than zipper pajamas during nap. It is basically number one rule in the Bell house right now because quite frankly I can't deal with all this again. I would have appreciated reading THAT page in a parenting book AT SOME POINT IN TIME so that I could have prepared myself.
Is it bad that I am praying for more girls? I mean.... can you blame me... I'm scarred. *shivers*


Emmy said...

Oh my gosh! I am so so sorry. And you know the only one I had anything like that- but no where near the level of chaos as you, was with Alex- so no, not just a boy thing.

Bright & Beautiful Learning Center said...

Well,look on the bright side: at least this was a "baby" (little) poop. I won't EVEN tell you about my experience with Sonia (in the Burlington Outlet Store in North Carolina) when she was 9 years old AND.... (as the Dr. said, had intestines the size of a grown man). But, God bless you for being patient with precious baby Jayce. I can't say that I was that calm with Sonia... (I've done a lot - hopefully - of "growing-up" since then). Love you plenty!! Bridget

Jenn Earle said...

bahaha!....sorry i guess its not actually funny. But you will look back on it and laugh when he is older and you get to tell him this story in front of his friends! haha...or his future wife!...Oh my. I pray that never happens to me. That is absolutely disgusting! I really hope he did not eat it!

heather said...

Jayce. Words fail me sometimes boy.

Tiffany said...

I now lovingly bequeath my ever-so-lovely bloggy nickname to you. You shall forevermore be known as St Poopicus the Second.

And you should know better than to think that this poopy behavior is relegated to the male species. Have you never read my blog sister?

Rachel said...

I am completely dying at Tiffany's comment - because she stole my best line.

I am the one who gave her the original Saint Poopicus nickname - and yes, she has all girls.

And no, my BOY has never done anything remotely like that.

(Let's just say that his specialty is passing gas on people's hands. Don't ask).

I am SO sorry. SO SORRY. I cannot imagine that cleanup. You are a hero. A saint.

Well, Saint Poopicus the Second at least ;)