My oh my how I miss blogging. I miss pouring out my heart. Not because I need a pitty party or a pat on the back but because blogging is my therapy.
When I blog I work through things.
When I blog I can sort the craziness spinning around in my head out just a little bit.
When I blog I can focus on a situation and either deal with it or let it go.
Blogging is how I make the world make since to me and so I miss it.
I thought the fact that I had not found time to blog was one reason I just haven't felt super joyful these days even though I have so very much to be joyful about. However I came to the conclusion tonight that not blogging is the farthest thing from what is taking my joy.
I am taking my joy.
You see, I have been expecting other things, other people, to bring me joy. Impossible.
Only Jesus can bring me joy.
I have been feeling so overwhelmed and just anxious. It just dawned on me why. I have stopped seeking God. I am just expecting Him to spoon feed me what He wants me to learn. That is never going to happen. He wants me to actively seek Him and move into His presence. I wish I could get to a point in my walk with God that I could get past this, but for some reason I am stuck in this cycle and it is DRIVING ME NUTS! I know that when I stop reading my Bible, having my quiet time and really praying that life gets overwhelming. So you would think that this would not be like a huge epiphany every single time! And yet my flesh does not get any less fleshy.
Today I am taking the step to say "I am really screwing up here" and making an effort to get past this.
Jesus brings me joy. I know this because when I am in The Word and active in prayer my life is so different.
I want that. I want the joy to always be in my life. However, when I fail over and over again I do find good in it. It brings me back to my knees crying to the Lord that I can't do this on my own. It brings me back to the cross.
If my flesh does nothing else, it keeps me humbled and helps me see just how much I need my Savior.
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made
perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about
my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." -2 Corinthians 12:9
I am going to find time to blog though, because I find peace in it. I enjoy living my life out here so that I can go back and see God working on me. Not to mention it writing really is therapeutic to me... and with everything going on right now I need all the therapy I can get ;-)