In just a few weeks my hubster and I are going on a vacation.
Minus the kids.
I am torn. I am going to have a hard time leaving them (although the best two people I know will be with them so I know everything will be fine.) but I know I really must. Charlie and I have not been anywhere alone for more than just a dinner in a little over 3 years now. We need this. Our marriage needs this.
The reason I don't want to leave them all boils down to one thing.... control. I won't be in control of what time they get up, I won't be in control of what they eat, I won't be in control of where they go (most importantly the car they are in)... I won't be in control of them. So wrong, I know, but it is where I struggle the most with my flesh. My flesh really thinks that I have something to do with all of this in the first place.
My faith knows better.
My faith knows that God is in control of my kids and their lives. My faith knows He is the better one for the job than me. My faith knows that me going on a trip for 4 days will not change how much God loves them and protects them. Yet I still feel anxious about the whole thing. It has kept me up at night, it has stolen my focus, it has cause me to have a million breakouts due to stress! Thinking about vacation shouldn't do that! For someone who struggles with fear that is exactly what vacation does.
I keep telling myself that God's plan is perfect. The fact of the matter is that it won't matter if I go on vacation or not, if something is meant to happen to one of my kids because it is God's will my being home with them would not stop it. We are going to be about 8 hours away from them and I have had several people say to me, "I could never be more than 2 hours away from my kids. What if they needed me?". Of course I thought that too... even more so once they verbalized it. But then I remember that God is in control. I could be an hour away or 20 hours away.... it won't change God's will. I have to let go.... if I don't fear will keep me in bondage for the rest of my life. I just can't live like that.
Another thing keeping me from too much excitement about this trip is the fact that poor Eric and Heather will have to deal with our kids. My kids can be tough folks, tougher than you can imagine. I just feel bad handing all that over to someone else... embarrassed almost. Like they will wonder "what in the world are they doing with these kids?????". I know it sounds stuck up, but I am just being honest here. I am certain though that The four of them will have a great time together and make fun memories that will last forever.
So I am praying for peace as our trip approaches. I am excited. I love how excited my hubster is about our trip together. I can't wait to get to talk to him, laugh with him, play games with him, eat a quite dinner with him, hold his hand instead of a toddlers hand, sleep past 7:30 if we want.... I am excited to just enjoy the man that I love.
I would encourage you to spend some time with the one you love. No one ever regrets spending too much time together.
15,000 bloggy points to anyone who can guess where we are going on our trip! (Heather you are not allowed to guess!!!!!)