Friday, November 4, 2011

Where Is That Light At The End?

I feel like I am stuck in a tunnel and just can't seem to see that beam of light that assures you the end is coming.

I feel like everything I am doing with my kids is wrong and is doing more damage than good.

My kids are tough right now. Tough is putting it lightly.

I'm not saying they are out of control and horrible. They are just tough.

Every stage of parenting has its ups and downs. Right now BOTH my kids are in a down.

I can't lie... it's not fun. I feel like I am about to lose it. Like, really really lose it. You know?

There are times I have to remind myself that they love me. It stinks to have to remind yourself that you children love you.

I don't have the kind of kids who just come over to me begging to be held and loved.

I have two kids who know Mommy is going to meet there needs in life... and that seems to be enough for them.

Not for me.

I want my babies to be sad when I leave the house. I want them to (every now and then) want to be held and snuggled for no reason other than they love me.

Someone tell me what I am doing wrong?

Parenting is not easy, I know that. I just want to feel like I am doing a good job and the way they are acting these days, I just don't. Not even close.

There is so much pressure to be a good parent. I want to be a good parent. I want to be a godly example to my children, but I am so broken. I am the worst example for them to see and I feel so guilty for that. They deserve so much better.

This post is for me. To clear my head and get some of this off of my mind so I can focus. No need to pity party with me on this. Sometimes getting problems and worries out is the first step to dealing with them head on. I'm desperately trying to deal with this.


Jenn Earle said...

Girl, we can be our worst critiques!! For real, is Charlie still away? If so, I am serious about the fact that I would come over and hang out with you!!! We can have a "play date" I would hate to be alone with Ainsley all week. Sometimes you just need a good break. Let me know!!!

LaVonne @ Long Wait said...

I just asked my husband today, "Is something wrong with Bella? It is like she has no sympathy or love for us." So, yes parenting is hard. She is learning and I NEED more patience with her. I have been really praying. I can't imagine what life will be like with two! SCARY :)

Happy Weekend!

Hang in there. We all feel like this. (At least I do!)

heather said...

You rock.
Your kids rock.
You aren't doing anything wrong.
Do you love Jesus? Yup. And your kids? Yup. Then you are doing better than you think.

Beautiful things out of dust, friend.

Rachel said...

If you were a terrible parent and example, you wouldn't have shared your heart like this.

God works through those times when we feel like we don't see a harvest for what we've worked so hard to grow. The Bible talks about us training up a child in the way he should go, and when he is OLD, he will not depart from it.

What you are doing NOW, has very real rewards LATER. When your kids are old. They will be able to say they saw Jesus in you.

And look what the world did to Jesus. Instead of running to Him for comfort and affection... we mocked him and took advantage of His kingdom of peace. Can you imagine how that felt to the Father's heart. Yet he didn't give up on us. Knowing that the decision was OURS, He simply kept pouring love over us.

And that's what we have to do day-by-day with our kids. Realize that the decision is theirs. And pour love on them.