32 Weeks And Counting

 

This was me at 30 weeks actually but hey, what can I say.... I have been a little bit too busy to take a ton of pictures! My goodness having a 5 year old and a 3 year old and being pregnant is crazy! Way different from my last experience for sure! I feel great however and am having a great pregnancy. But when bedtime rolls around I KNOW IT! My body is DONE at the end of the day for sure! Sweet Amelia is still the calmest baby I have every had the pleasure of carrying. She is such a delicate little mover. I can't wait to see if she keeps that up once she enters the world! Which, can you believe we are nearing the end of this journey already? Crazy! If I go early like I did with my two kids I could technically have her in like 4 weeks! WOW! I am not ready (even though I know her Mommy and Daddy are MORE than ready!). I want to enjoy my last little bit of time with her. I adore having this life being formed within me. It is an amazing thing that I just can't explain well enough with words. This little baby is teaching me so much! God is using this experience to grow me in ways I never thought possible. So while I will be excited for delivery... I don't want to rush it at all.  Lula Mae is starting to get excited to see what she will look like. She loves telling people about her surro-sister and is really understanding everything well. I know after she is born we may hit some bumps with the kids, but I am confident that God is ready to handle them! 

Lula Mae and Jayce are just as crazy as ever. Jayce is actually making a lot of progress with his behavior these days, and for that I am thankful! Lula Mae however.... well, no one told me 5 was gonna be such a challenge! WOW! That girls will gets stronger and stronger every day I swear! She is quite difficult these days, but I love her too much to give up on her. I tell her that probably 6 times a day! God has a plan for that girl and I can't wait to see what it is! 

Blog world... I miss you! I miss everything about you! I am ready to quit making excesses and just get back to what I enjoy! I hope all has been well out there in blogland! I am so far behind and will never "catch up" but I will certainly pick back up and enjoy your wonderful blogs! Ahhhh, free therapy... and trust me this momma needs a little therapy these days!

THE Question

There is one question that I get more than others....

"How are you gonna do that?"

My first reaction, which I bite my tongue and don't say out loud, is "well I am going to push this baby out just like my other kids, hopefully". But that is rude, and I don't say that. Plus I know thats not what they really mean anyway.... or at least I hope that is not what they actually mean....  

I know they really mean "How are you gonna hand over this baby?".

I guess they are expecting some long drawn out answer where I cry and and tell them I don't know. They always look confused by my answer.

I tell them I am not going to do it at all, God is. I tell them I am going to take it one day at a time, and pray every second of the way.

They also look at me crazy when I tell them this pregnancy is different than my others were. I have different feelings, different emotions, different everything. Don't get me wrong, I love her and feel connected to her, but it's so different. I truly believe God prepared me emotionally for this journey long before He even brought the desire to my heart.

I can't wait to deliver this baby. It will be wonderful and amazing and so incredibly special! I am more excited to see Esther and Scott hold their little girl for the first time! It will be a moment I treasure forever!

So how am I gonna do it? Only by the grace of God, joyfully and for God's glory! 

Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for God's glory. 

 -1 Corinthians 10:31

When that day comes, yes I may have hormonal emotions to sort out, but I know my God is more than capable of dealing with those. I just feel so much peace and so much joy that I can't think to make myself look at delivery day any other way.

By God's grace I met this couple. By God's grace I am carrying this baby. By God's grace He is using me to bring this baby into the world healthy and safe. By God's grace this journey will have a beautiful ending!

Esther and Scott are being blessed with a baby through this journey, but the blessing I am getting is multiplied by a million!

My Boy Is Three

Somehow it just does not seem possible that my little guy is three years old today. Where has time gone? This kid has taught us so much, and brings so much excitement to our lives! God really knew what He was doing bringing him into our lives three years ago. As soon as I saw him he seemed so small, even though he was bigger than his sister at birth. I have not stopped feeling that way yet. He is my tiny little man, but his spirit is enormous!

 

 

 My oh my, how he has changed.... and yet he is still my tiny little guy! His allergies are still a struggle and his skin has more bad days than good, but he is making improvements and that is wonderful! He is learning how to deal with a lot of these issues too, and that is making it easier on us. He is able to tell us when he needs medicine and things like that. Here are a few stats about Jayce...

Height: 34 inches

Weight: 25.6 lbs 

Favorite foods: bananas, cheese, avocados and anything sweet! 

Favorite books: The Bible, Berenstain Bears books, David and Goliath, Goodnight Moon... and lots more! He is quite a book lover now! 

Favorite toys: His drums (he is a natural people!) cars and trucks, rocks and his "sling" (to play David and Goliath of course) dice, Roger (his space ship... that he named Roger) 

Favorite color: blue and green (he only tells me 800 times a day.... so yeah, I'm sure about this one!) 

He loves to wear his pajamas... and chance he gets he asks to put them back on. 

He loves to watch his David and Goliath DVD.... he would watch it over and over if we let him. 

He loves to sing, mostly worship songs. He sings almost all day long, non stop. He is mu musical child for sure! 

He gets his feelings hurt very easily and wears his heart on his sleeve. He is a sensitive little man!

He still has deep eyes, like those of an old man who has seen so much. 

He adores his big sister and always wants to spend more time with her than she does with him. 

He looks up to his Daddy and loves him so much! 

He loves to be outside. 

He is very serious.... but when he is in a silly mood, his laugh and smile are precious! 

He is not a fan of yucky smells.... the chickens and the farm were a no-go in his book. 

He loves to come up and just give you a big hug and say he loves you. 

He is amazing and I just love him so much! I look back at how tough things have been with him, and yet I still fill with joy thinking about it all. God made him PERFECTLY and I am focusing on seeing my kids through His eyes, not mine. I am excited to see Jayce grow and learn more about the Lord. I know God has a great plan for his life! I don't know why God picked me to be the Mommy of this amazing little guy, but I sure am thankful! 

Happy birthday sweet Jayce! You are three, can you believe it? I wonder what adventures this next year has in store for you? 

Are You My Mother?

Precious child, I am not your Mother. I am not Mommy. I am not Momma. I am not your Mom. Not because I would not love to be, but because that is just not the job God gave me in your life. I won't be the one who runs to you in the middle of the night when you cry. I won't be the one who rocks you countless hours through growth spurts and teething. I won't be the one who soothes you when you just can't figure out what you want. I won't be the one who sits with out stretched arms as you take your first wobbly steps. I won't be the one who worries over every tiny cough and sniffle you get. I won't be the one who squeals in delight at the first sound of "mama" that comes from your lips. I won't be the one who walks you into your first day of school. I won't be the one who holds you while you cry because life is just so hard. I won't be the one who helps you pick out your prom dress. I won't be the one beaming with pride at your graduation. I won't be the one sitting in the front row at your wedding wondering where time went. I won't be the one you call when you have questions about how to take care of your new baby.

God gave me a very special part in your life, but being your Mother is not it.  I am your vessel. I am your all-you-can-eat-buffet. I am your life raft. I am your incubator. I am your cocoon. I am your cozy nest. I am your babysitter. I am your prayer warrior. I am your oxygen supply. These don't sound as fun, but I assure you, they are. I am proud to be these things for you. I am honored that God chose me for this job. I am thankful that He is using me for such an amazing job and I am not sure I will ever wrap my head around it fully. Don't be confused on who I am, know that I am your surrogate. Your Mother is an amazing woman who you will soon grow so close to that the memory of me will fade like a dream. Don't let that worry you, I should fade. You should go from needing me to needing her. That is exactly what God wants to happen. While God is using me to prepare you for her, she is preparing for you. It is a delicate dance that we are learning, but it is incredibly worth it.

You will hold a special place in my heart forever sweet girl. You will be a constant reminder to my family of what an awesome God we serve! You will be a treasure that we will hold dear, even though you won't be with us. Your journey, your story, your life.... we will cling to those when we miss you. 

I will never be your Mother Amelia, but I will always love you. I will always pray for you. I will always remember our precious time together.  I will always remember your tiny flutters and kicks. I will always feel honored to have been a part of your life.

God has great plans for you little one, I just know it. God has used you to help change me just a little bit more into the image of His son, and for that I can't thank you enough. There are no words to express just how grateful I am to you for how much you have helped me grow and change. Trust in Him Amelia and He will carry you far!    

Don't Shave Your Thighs!

I turned 26 this year. Even though I am still "young"... this year I felt so "old".

I remember my mom finally letting me shave my legs when I made the soccer team in 7th grade. I begged and begged her and she finally let me. However, the deal was I could not shave more than 2 inches above me knee.

WHY???? What in the world is the difference????

The difference is complex verses simplicity.

I miss simplicity. I miss only shaving the bottom portion of my legs.

Now I have the ability to shave my entire leg. I also have bills, appointments, schedules to keep up with, responsibilities, kids to raise, a husband.... and the list goes on and on.

Remember how long a month seemed as a kid? Why is it that a year goes by at the same speed now that we are adults?

Why is it that we insist on growing up so fast? I can remember thinking "I can't wait to be able to shave my thighs!". I remember having my mother make me fake bills to pay. What was the rush?

I tell my kids all the time to enjoy being little. Lula Mae is really taking it a bit to literally (imagine that). She gets very upset when her birthday comes around and she has to move to the next age. I am trying to get her to a healthy balance ;-) I just don't want them to rush through some of the best years of their lives! In the blink of an eye they will be adults with adult problems and the blissful years of innocence will be gone.  I want them to be able to look back and think to themselves that their childhood didn't slip through their fingers like water.

I certainly miss not shaving my thighs. 

Hello New Year!

The holidays are over! I should not really be "happy" about that, but let me tell you... I am! Once the holidays are over its time to look at "the new year". I am not sharing my resolutions this year because I decided to make a short, very personal list. I want this year to be about growing in my faith and my walk with the Lord more than anything else. One thing I love about the new year is the feeling of "a fresh start" but it's a little ironic since every day is a fresh start when you are a child of God. So why is it that I only get that new start feeling once a year? I want to look into that this year. I want that feeling every.single.day. Another thing the new year does for me is gives me a "lets get clean and organized" attitude. I mean, I feel that way all year round, but for some reason I really like to deep clean and reorganize the house when the new year rolls around.

I haven't updated you all on the kids in a while, so here is a snapshot for you:

My girl is too smart for her own good (in a good way... but sometimes a bad way) and she is growing in the Lord so much! She has changed so much lately and looks so grown up. I feel the need to really slow down with her and enjoy her these days because I feel her tiny years slipping away.

My boy is becoming more and more strong willed (because I strong willed child is not enough in one family). He is hard and I am very mentally and physically exhausted. He is also such a smarty, but he does not like to show it. He is reading more and more words and enjoys the school I have stared with him. He likes to "spell" words... except he spells everything "a,e,i,o,u"... it's pretty adorable. I am overwhelmed that his 3rd birthday is just around the corner. Not ready for that folks.

Oh and I forgot to mention here on my blog that I am pregnant. Yep! That's right, there is a surro-baby in my womb! We have not told the kids much about what is going on yet, but I am excited to get to. I want this experience to be an example of service to my kids. I am a little overwhelmed by the "we love Amy so much we could squish her" people on our amazing facebook group because I just want people to see Jesus through this, but I am feeling as thought it is not happening. So I have backed down from facebook and have just been praying. I want my kids to see the real reason we are doing this. I am excited to have a big belly, but even more excited about labor and delivery! It's an amazing experience and I am praying God blesses me with that joy again!

So there is my randomness for today. You are welcome.