Letters Of Intent

Sometimes the best way to get it off of your chest is in in letter form, so here we go! 

Dear Grocery Bagger, 

The number 1 rule in bagging groceries is bread gets its very own bag. The only exception to this rule is if you put my eggs in a bag and gently place the bread on top of the eggs. No other combination is acceptable. Bananas, like the 12 you put in with my bread, should never EVER go in the same bag a bread.

Sincerely,

My Bread Was For Sandwiches... Not Breadcrumbs! 

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Dear Jayce, 

While I love hearing your voice, I do not enjoy you telling me how to drive. No one likes a backseat driver little man, no one! You enjoy the scenery and leave the driving up to me. I promise I know my way around town and won't get us lost in the middle of nowhere. 

Love, 

Your Mommy Who Has Lived In This Town Her Entire Life  

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Dear Baby O, 

Are you ready? Well your turn is coming so get excited! Can you be a good little baby and thaw perfectly? I know you can! You rest up for a little while longer and get pumped for the big day! I can't wait to have you safely tucked away in my womb. Pretty awesome, huh?

Love, 

Your Future Babysitter 

  

   

Letters Of Intent

Dear refrigerator,

No warning? It is very rude to just quit with no warning. I mean this really puts me in a pickle, because now I have to try to eat this entire jar of semi expensive pickles because I am freaking out that I may have to throw them away! I am having trouble focusing on all my other duties because I keep thinking "what am I going to do about my Dukes?"! Forget the meat in the freezer, how will I love without my Dukes!!!!! (For those of you not from the south, Dukes is mayonnaise... not just mayonnaise.... THE MAYONNAISE )  So thanks so much for leaving me in such a mess! Now all I can think about it making a pickle sandwich with tons of mayonnaise. Sigh.

Sincrely,

Couldn't Chase The Refrigerator Even If I Wanted To Because It Sure Isn't Running

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Dear Son,

When I fold a load of laundry, I kinda want it to stay folded.

Love,

The Lady Who HATES Refolding All The Laundry  

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Dear Self,

Stop. Take a deep breath. Repeat. It is all going to be just fine.

Love,

The One Who Does Not Want To Look 50 When I Am 30

Letters Of Intent

Dear Period,

Never have I wanted you to start so bad in my life. Hurry up so I can call the doctor and set up my first appointment! The three C's are in order (cramping, cranky, cravings) so I know you are close. The suspense is KILLING me!

Love,

Incredible Impatient

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Dear Children,

This whole drive-each-other-totally-nuts-all-day-long is getting really old. I am trying to be patient, I am trying to give you space to learn how to deal with each other.... but dear goodness my nerves can't take it any more! The constant bickering is the most annoying phase yet. I love you both, but I feel like you hate each other. Please try to at least act like you love each other. I keep telling myself that this is just a season of life...  but I'm slightly terrified that this season is going to be like 15 years long. Sigh.

Love,

Your Very Exhausted Mommy..... Who Needs To Buy More Tylenol

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Dear Hubster,

I'm sorry. Your kids are crazy and your wife is about to start a substantial amount of hormones.... I'm sorry just does not seem to be enough. Enjoy your week away at training, you will deserve it for sure!

Love,

About To Be A Hormone Casserole

Letters Of Intent

Oh Friday..... I have been dreaming of you! Not all Fridays, just THIS Friday. Today Charlie is making his 12 hour drive HOME! Technically I still have to be single mom all day today, but tomorrow I plan on relinquishing that title to Daddy. Have fun Babe! I will be back.... lets just say don't wait up, okay?



Dear Self,

Charlie being gone does not affect the mail. It still comes. Check it please. The mail man probably thinks you are dead inside the house or something considering you only remembered to check it twice in 12 days. Write it on a sticky note lady!

Signed,

Your Other Half

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Dear Other Half,

Easy for you to say.

Signed,

Self

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Dear Children,

I made you from scratch and carried you around inside my womb while you baked for 8 some odd months. The least you could do is pretend that you love me. I am going to name every single one of my wrinkles (which I am bound to get prematurely thankyouverymuch) Lula Mae and Jayce. Ever.Single.One.

Signed,

Over Worked And Under Appreciated

Letters Of Intent

To The Past 6 Days,

I'm gonna pretend you did not happen, because if I don't I am afraid to think of what I might do.

Signed,

Frazzled

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Lula Mae,

Where are you? There is this little girl here that looks like you.... but surely, SURELY it isn't you. You see, my little girl is sweet, and kind and loves Jesus. This little girl is mean, and hateful and clearly does not know who Jesus is. Please, come back and send this imposter away! I miss my precious little girl. I miss her so much.

Love,

Not A Fan Of The Toddler Years

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Dear Money,

We recently discussed you learning how to multiply. Any word on how that is coming? Making any headway?

Sincerely,

Wishing I was An Athlete Who Got Paid Stupid Amounts Of Money To Play A Freaking Game

Letters Of Intent

Dear Toddler Years,

If you begin with the word "terrible" you are not aloud in this house. Ever. I refuse to let you drag me down. Go ahead and pack your bags and GET OUT!

Sincerely,

The Mommy Who Can't Take Much More

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Dear Disney,

You never disappoint. I am smitten with you and that is no secret. When I die I want to be cremated and scattered all over Magic Kingdom. I wish I was kidding. Sigh.

Love,

The One Who Can't Get Enough

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Dear Single Parenting,

You suck and I do not look forward to the next two weeks I have of you. Especially considering the current stages my dear children are in at the moment. Please be nice to me...

Sincerely,

Tired Just Thinking About You

Letters Of Intent

It's a sad day blog world. Julie is soon to be retiring her Letters Of Intent link up (because all you slackers won't link up anymore. Sigh.). I still plan on carrying on her tradition, although you know me... sometimes my blog falls to the way side. Life happens and the blog is the first thing to be neglected. Better my blog than my children, ya know? So please do me a favor and head over to her blog and show her some love! I hope you all enjoy your weekend, I know Lula Mae and I will!

Dear Long Drive,

Please don't suck as bad as I am anticipating. This is my first solo drive to my home away from home so be nice to me.

Love,

Slightly Nervous

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Dear Lula Mae,

If you touched it 3 days ago.... you aren't technically "playing with it" my dear. You have to stop being so stingy or you won't have any friends. No one likes a no it all, which you tend to be, and no one likes that kid who won't let you touch anything! You gotta lighten up!

Love,

Your Mommy Who Is Getting Tired Of Your Mean Streak

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Dear Water,

Could you please taste like Coke so I will enjoy drinking more if you? That would really be great!

Sincerely,

Coke Tastes WAY Better

Letters Of Intent

Friday is here and I think I will join in with the wonderful Julie in some letter writing fun. No need for any further introduction, here we go!


Dear Fellow Shoppers,

I would like to bring to your attention that wearing headphones while you shop is quite inconsiderate. Basically you are saying, "I'm so important that you need to look out for me because my listening to music is more important than looking out for you". Don't look so confused when you get rammed with my buggy. When you can't HEAR PEOPLE COMING it makes you a prime target for me to hit. Not on purpose... okay possibly just a little bit on purpose. That song better have been amazing, that's all I'm saying.

Signed,

Fellow Shopper

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Dear Lula Mae,

If only you knew I was taking you to Disney World for our special trip. Sigh. Then perhaps you would not test my every nerve. I am begging you to lose the teenager attitude. It is NOT FUN! You don't want to mess this trip up, trust me.

Love,

Your Mommy Who Loves You.... But Not Your Attitude

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Dear Money,

Could you find a way to multiply? Just a suggestion. I would really love your cooperation.

Sincerely,

Constantly Working The Budget

Letters Of Intent

Wow, it is Friday already! Have anything you need to get off your chest, in letter form? Write your letter, grab Julie's Letter of Intent button and play along! Easy Friday posts are the BEST!!!



Dear Taxes,

In.Your.Face.

Sincerely,

Not A Procrastinator When It Comes To A Refund

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Dear Weather,

I need more sunlight than 10 hours of sunlight per week. Literally this is a very serious situation. Please, please, please..... take all this rain and break it up into manageable increments! I would love some SUNLIGHT! Thanks in advance.

Love,

Winter Is Not My Fave

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Dear Hubster,

Bones is a pretty good show, I'll give you that. I won't tell you that you can't watch it at night seeing as I have already limited your nightly TV choices. However, please tell me you are having CRAZY dreams about solving murders? No? Just me? Okay then. Carry on watching then.

Love,

Your Crazy Wife

Letters Of Intent

It has been quite a while since I joined in for some Letters Of Intent fun, so here we go....



Dear 2012,

You gotta slow down! My goodness I am trying to catch my breath! Also, I need May to stay in the distance for a while. There is just sooooo much going on in May! So do me a favor and put in the breaks. That would be fantastic.

Sincerely,

Where Is The Pause Button?

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Dear Jayce,

I am stoked that you are talking more these days. Your little man voice is so adorable. However, could we please erase the words "no" and "mine" and "go away" thankyouverymuchlulamae from your repertoire? Those phrases just are not as cute as you are. I think it is hilarious that instead of saying "yes" you say "sure". Cutie patootie!

Love,

Your Mommy Who Enjoys Communicating With You

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Dear Mother In Wal-Mart,

Hello, your child has chicken pox! Could you NOT bring him to Wal-mart? I mean, that seems like the logical thing to do to me. Just saying, my kids don't get every vaccine they try to shove at us so it would be nice if you kept your incredibly contagious child home. And bragging about the fact that he has the chicken pox? Odd to say the least.

Signed,

Momma Who Is Not A Fan Of Sick Kids

Letters Of Intent

Today is FRIDAY!!!! And guess who is off today? My Hubster! We have been getting a few things done before he leaves. It is a BEAUTIFUL day and we are trying to enjoy time together before we have to live apart for a month. sigh. Oh it isn't as bad as I make it out to be. He will get the weekends off which will be wonderful, but still.... those nights alone are just not fun. Plus, the kids really miss him and it is hard for me to be Mommy and Daddy for them. Well enough of my rambling and onto some letters of intent! Be sure to visit Julie for more letters!



Dear Daughter,

I know you think it is cool that the truck you saw had on a "pizza hat"... but I am a tad bit offended that you want me to have one on my van. You are my job. Your brother is my job. Our home is my job. Not so sure I have much free time to be wearing that "pizza hat" too. Just saying.

Love,

Your Mom Who Is Busy Enough Without You Trying To Find Me A Job

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Dear Allergist,

I have a right to be nervous about bringing my baby to you. You are about to run a very extensive test on my child. The child that I carried for 9 months praying that he would be healthy and not need visits to people like you. Be nice to me, but more importantly, be nice to my baby. Please have answers for us.

Sincerely,

The Nervous Mommy

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Dear Insomnia,

You are like that kid that gets picked last for kick ball. You stink and everybody knows it. No one wants you on their team. This girl is kicking you off the team. Take a hike!

Best Regards,

Exhausted

Letters Of Intent

Friday..... FRIDAY!!! I'm pretty glad it is Friday because it has been a wild ride around here! I need a weekend. At any rate, Friday means Letters Of Intent so here we go! Go link up with Julie and join the fun.



Dear Hobby Lobby,

I'm super excited that you have graced our tiny town with your presence. However, I need you to be less.... how can I say this.... less..... amazing. Really, the ideas that you give me are just driving me nuts! Maybe I need to let one of my kids make a huge scene and then I could get banned from you? hmmmm.....

Love,

The One With A Small Budget

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Dear Craft Bug,

Is there a medication I can take to make you go away? You are worse then any flu, worse than any head cold, worse than any sinus infection. You are not draining me physically.... but financially.... well that is a horse of a different color! I'm hurting and I need you to STOP! Thankyouverymuch.

Sincerely,

Hating You And Loving You At The Same Time

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Dear Jayce,

Seriously son, a reaction to peanut butter? Are you kidding me? I love you dear but please tell me this is the LAST thing you are ever going to be allergic to for the rest of your life? I'm begging you! You are a sweet, cute baby but man oh man are you high maintenance. Oh and by the way, Daddy can call your tu-tu a "kilt" all day long.... but someday when I show these pictures to your fiance I don't know how well that story will hold up. Just saying.

Love,

Your Worried And Very Tired Mommy

Letters Of Intent

Today is FRIDAY!!! Are you excited? Well then you must not have a husband who will be at drill all weekend :-/ I'm glad the week is over, but I don't have much of a weekend to speak of. Can't complain though.... and if I did it wouldn't help anything. Julie is the host of this link up, but I am not sure if she will have any letters up today. I am linking up with her in spirit... until I notice if she has anything posted :-)



Dear Fall,

I don't say this often but.... you smell amazing!

Love,

Taking Deep Breaths

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Dear Onlookers,

I know my son shrieks at the top of his lungs at a pitch that can most accurately be described as "blood curtailing". Trust me, I know he sounds like an injured elephant. I hear it all.day.long.every.single.day.non.stop. I am aware that loud kids in a store is not fun for other shoppers but giving me and my kids dirty looks isn't going to change anything! Would you rather me stay locked in my house until he turns 7 or 8 years old? He is going to scream no matter where we are, no matter what we are doing, no matter what I do to try and stop him..... sorry. Keep your nasty looks, loud whispered comments, pointing and huffing and puffing to yourself! I am doing my best.

Sincerely,

"That" Mom Who Can't Stand Being Looked Down On

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Dear Christmas,

I see you trying to sneak up. You stay right there! Don't you move on step closer! Not yet! I want to enjoy fall before you come! I know the stores are already gearing up for you but I am not. You hold your horses.

Love,

The Girl Who Loves You But Doesn't Want To Miss Fall

Letters Of Intent

What a week! I am soooo glad it is Friday..... awwwww wait, Charlie has AT for the next 2 weeks so technically it isn't much of a Friday around here. Well enough of my whining and onto the letters!


Dear Kid,

No I don't know your name, and really I don't care. I was not in the store for even half an hour and yet you made me want to pull my hair out. The fact that you were running around bouncing a ball was the biggest part of that, but it also had a lot to do with the fact that you seemed to be following me. Let me just translate our recent encounter for you since you seem very confused by the whole thing.....

Oh, excuse me.
Hey you just hit me with that ball you are bouncing around the store but I am going to be nice to you because it very well could have been an accident.

5 min later....

Excuse you.
Okay that time you meant to hit me with that stupid ball. Go away!

5 min later...

Hey, look out please.
Did you really think you could squeeze through there???? Really???? Touch my kid again and I will punch you!

3 min later....

(giving the kid the stink eye)
Oh my goodness where in the world is your mother????

2 min later....

Really? What are you like 10? Aren't you too big to be playing in a store?
Really? What are you like 10? Aren't you too big to be playing in a store?

1 min later....

GO AWAY!
GO AWAY! YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!

30 seconds later....

Please stop running out in front of me.
If you don't get out of my way I am going to run you over with my buggy.

1 min later...

Grow up!
GROW UP! WHERE IN THE WORLD IS YOUR MOTHER?????

Then when I was leaving the store you point at me and laugh. I can tell that you are going to be a very active member of society. You made the roughly 18 min I was in the store torture! Do you realize my son has been sick for the past week and I have barely been able to leave the house. I finally get to enjoy a trip out and you just mess that all up for me. Way to go.

Sincerely,

Annoyed By How Many Parents Don't Care What Their Children Do

PS-
Seriously, Where Is Your Mother????

Letters Of Intent

It's Friday which means it is time to link up with the wonderful Julie at Foursons and her Letters Of Intent! Head on over to read more great letters!

Dear Lula Mae,

A police man is a very helpful guy. Helpful in times of emergencies. Just in case you are wondering.... needing candy is never a good reason to call 9-1-1, just for future reference. Not an emergency at all my dear. Not even in a perfect world.

Love,

Your Mommy Who Was Glad You Were Using A Toy Phone

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Dear 9-1-1 Dispatch,

I just want to apologize in advanced for any number of "emergency" calls my daughter makes. She is really excited about the fact that you can "help" her.... perhaps too excited. Who would have thought teaching a three year old about calling 9-1-1 would bring on such stress? Again, I am sorry. I promise I will work on defining "emergency" with her.

Sincerely,

"That" Mom

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Dear Netflix,

I have a few suggestions for you, concerning your streaming to be exact. If you could make one, or all, of the following series available:

*I Love Lucy
*Gilligan's Island
*I Dream Of Jeannie
*Bewitched
*Happy Days
*The Brady Bunch

Now that I have finished watching Roseanne, That 70's Show and am well on my way to finishing Scrubs I will soon be needing a new show to watch. I am not thrilled with the selection you have right now. I mean how many different Power Rangers shows and movies are really necessary? I would really love to end my day with a happy go lucky episode from some of my favorite classic TV shows.

Sincerely,

A Sucker For Old TV Shows

Letters Of Intent

Can you believe it is Friday? Me either! Although last weekend was drill so that has a lot to do with it! Lets end this week with some letters of intent! Don't forget to visit Julie for more great letters!

Dear Jayce,

Sweet boy, what happened? You were eating so well! You would eat anything and everything we put in front of you. Now all of a sudden you look at it... pick it up with a disgusting look... put it in your mouth... and then SPIT IT OUT???? Oh dear son you don't weigh enough to refuse food. You are a 14 month old trapped in an 8 month old body. Please, please, please EAT!!! Once you show me you can eat real food I have a big problem regressing back to baby food. Hate it for you buddy but Lula Mae is already the picky eater in the family. She is the oldest ya know. It just isn't fair that your Daddy and I have to deal with TWO picky eaters so why don't you just go ahead and pick a new bad habit. Okay?

Love,

Your Mommy Who Is On The Verge Of A Breakdown

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Dear DIY Network,

I am gonna need you to come crash my yard. I mean, what do I have to do to persuade you wonderful people to come and make my yard look fan-freaking-tastic? This lady is tired and I would really really appreciate it. No rush or anything.... well maybe a little rush... just a little....

Sincerely,

The One Who Loathes Yard Work

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Dear Netfilx,

I am blaming you for all my housework being behind. Yep, all your fault.

Signed,

A Big Old Slacker

Letters Of Intent

Have you been disappointed by your favorite blogger lately? Have you received nasty comments on your blog that are worthy of a whole blog post devoted just to them? Has life thrown you some curveballs? Does your spouse write things on Facebook that embarrass you? Speaking of Facebook, are you tired of people airing their dirty laundry disguised as a status? Or maybe you won the lottery and you want to let me know you plan on sharing your windfall with me! Well tell me about it…in letter form of course. Write the who, what, when, where, and why of it all. Grab the button from my sidebar and link up at the bottom. I look forward to your Letters of Intent!

Be sure to visit Foursons for more great letters!

Dear Lula Mae,

Summer has officially started. I don't have to look at the calender or check the weather. All I have to do is look at your legs....
Mosquito bites. I'm shocked they didn't fly away with you to be honest.

Bruises. Lots and lots of bruises. If "summer time legs" was listed in the dictionary, they could put your picture beside it.

Love,

Your Mommy Who Is Worried People Will Wonder If We Beat You By The Looks Of Your Legs

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Dear Junk Food,

Due to my inability to make good choices I am requesting that from here on out you taste like healthy foods. Your cooperation is greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

The Girl Who Loves You A Little Too Much

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Dear Healthy Food,

Due to my inability to make good choices I am requesting that from here on out you taste like junk foods. Your cooperation is greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

The Girl Who Loves The Taste Of Taste

Letters Of Intent

Dear Jayce,

Our trip to Orlando is swiftly approaching. For the sanity of our entire family I ask that you please cooperate on the long trip. I know the car isn't you favorite place, but can you pretend it is.... just this once? Well twice actually. I need you to pretend it is on the way home too. We are gonna get to Disney world, even if you kick and scream the whole way. I love you and I just want you to enjoy the ride. Plus, the rest of the family would like to enjoy the ride too.

Love you tons!

Nervous Mommy Who Is Ready For Vacation

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Dear Vacation,

Don't fly by. This is your warning.


Signed,

Soooooo Ready For Vacation

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Dear Cicadas,

The sound you make really freaks me out. I feel as though you may attack at any moment. How long are you planing on hanging around? Not gonna lie, I won't be sad when you are gone. You give me the creeps!

Sincerely,

Not A Bug Fan

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Dear Girl On Commercial,

So you went and saw a movie and then get asked to be in the commercial interview. Neat. I know you were super duper excited. No one wants to be "that" person who says something crazy. Honey, you are that person. Explain to me how the movie you saw was "relate-able". When was the last time you got your arm bitten off by a shark while surfing and worked your butt off to surf again? Oh, never? Well then dear, I just don't know that you can "relate" to it. Perhaps it was realistic. Perhaps it was believable (probably because it really happened!). But I just can't understand how it is relate-able. You got me there.

Sincerely,

Annoyed At Your Response

Letters Of Intent

Dear Gas Prices,

Really... up and down... up and down.... up and down.... are you on a pogo stick? Just go down and STAY down. I don't want to spend half of my vacation budget on gas. By May you better be back to reasonable!

Sincerely,

Going Broker By The Fill Up

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Dear Weather,

You have been so wonderful. How can we ensure you stay this lovely for, oh lets just say.... always? Any possibility? How about half the year?

Thanks,

Enjoying Your Beauty

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Dear Lula Mae,

Salad? Did you really eat a salad for dinner? Not just a salad.... but okra too? Little missy you need to stop complaining and protesting your fruits and other bland veggies if you are going to eat things like salad and okra. How is corn so bad? You never cease to amaze me child. Thanks for eating better... lets keep this up, okay? I need you to grow before your 3 year check up so you don't have to have all kinds of crazy tests done like I did as a kid. Trust me, they are no fun. Please grow!

Love,

Scratching My Head

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Dear Disney World,

May is getting closer. Soon we will be together again. Are you as excited as I am? I just can't wait. Lula Mae talks about you every single day. Quick question... she is expecting Jesus to be there... can you make that happen? It would make her day! She assumes everything she loves with be at Disney World so Jesus is a must. Before you know it we will be on our way.... I JUST CAN'T WAIT!!!!

Love,

So Ready For Vacation!

Letters Of Intent

Friday.... where have you been???? I am so glad it is the weekend! Last weekend seemed to fly, which never makes me happy. I hope you all have a great relaxing weekend planned! Oh and don't forget to check out Julie's blog for more great letters!



Dear Children,

We need to work on this schedule. I am going to need you to both be happy on the same day... at least once or twice a week! Please! This whole "one is in a good mood... the other is not... the other one is in a good mood today.... the other is not.... etc." is making me a little crazy! So talk amongst yourselves and get this whole thing organized. You are both my children so organizing should come easy. No excuses for you! Get moving!


Love,

Your Mother Who Isn't Too Good To Bribe

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Dear Self,

It's totally okay that you are "that" mom. What matters is that your daughter is eating vegetables better these days. Sprinkling a little Parmesan cheese on everything isn't really that bad. Relax! Enjoy that she is eating vegetable.... it may not last long!


Sincerely,

The Better Half Of You

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Dear Girl In The Store,

I have to say, your little grown up fit was pretty amusing. The fact that you were upset that you got a little wet from walking in the rain is funny. Do me a favor, how about go watch the news for a few minuets though. Do you think Japan feels like throwing a little fit right now? Grow up... you will dry. Your "problems" are nothing compared to 80% of the worlds.

Sincerely,

Rolling My Eyes

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Dear God,

No words can describe how happy I am! THANKS times a million!


Love,

Amazed At Your Grace