The Kids That I Love....

Are incredibly Cute.

Are crazy in love with their Daddy and I.

Love to eat as messily as they can.

Think the toy the other one is playing with looks way more fun.

Make very unattractive "cheese" faces in pictures.

Are tiny little things.

Love books. One reads them.... the other eats them.

Love having their pictures taken so that you can show it to them right after you take it.

Are picky eaters.

Have huge hearts that they tend to wear on their sleeves.

Come out of the womb with a strange type of independence.

Can read.

Love Jesus, God and the Bible.

Are the only two people in the world who can drive me completely crazy the way they do.

Have horrible tempers.

Are natural born yellers.

Can melt my heart with one little "hi Mommy" or give me a hug out of nowhere.

Before I was a Mom I didn't think my kids would drive me nuts from time to time. I thought only the "bad" moms did that. I was so blind to the fact that kids were tiny sinful humans who are going to push buttons, and especially the tiny ones you are with 24/7. I love my kids more than anything in the world but I won't lie and say I am always happy with them. I am trying harder to see my kids for what they are. Lost sinners in need of a Savior. I was put in their loves to lead them to that Savior. My kids are amazing, and I know I say this a lot but, I love them too much to just give up on them and take the easy way out in this game that is parenting. My kids have faults, but so do I.

Letters Of Intent

Wow, it is Friday already! Have anything you need to get off your chest, in letter form? Write your letter, grab Julie's Letter of Intent button and play along! Easy Friday posts are the BEST!!!



Dear Taxes,

In.Your.Face.

Sincerely,

Not A Procrastinator When It Comes To A Refund

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Dear Weather,

I need more sunlight than 10 hours of sunlight per week. Literally this is a very serious situation. Please, please, please..... take all this rain and break it up into manageable increments! I would love some SUNLIGHT! Thanks in advance.

Love,

Winter Is Not My Fave

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Dear Hubster,

Bones is a pretty good show, I'll give you that. I won't tell you that you can't watch it at night seeing as I have already limited your nightly TV choices. However, please tell me you are having CRAZY dreams about solving murders? No? Just me? Okay then. Carry on watching then.

Love,

Your Crazy Wife

The Beginning Of A Journey

This past weekend the Hubster and I went on a late birthday getaway. We had the chance to meet up with some new friends of ours. I met Esther by lurking around on her blog. Actually I was told about Esther by my best friend Heather. Esther and Heather are bloggy buddies and also even better buddies through Hannah's Prayer Ministries, a Christian forum and website devoted to women struggling with infertility and loss. Esther and Heather have this in common, infertility. They are two very strong women who refuse to let infertility define who they are, and I am humbled by the grace that each of them exude. I love them both and thank God for placing them both in my life.

So why did we go visit Esther and her husband? You see, Esther is special. Esther has a very special story that you can read about here. You can also read more about Esther here.

Have you ever felt a true calling from God? I Have. My calling is to help Esther give her last two babies a chance at life. God placed this heavily on my heart recently, but surrogacy has been on my heart nearly my entire life. I have prayed and prayed and been given confirmation after confirmation. God's hand is in this and I have no doubt that this will bring Him glory! I have offered to be Esther and her husbands surrogate.

Meeting them was the first "step" in our journey together. When I know more on our journey, I promise I will update you, but please know that some things I may not share because I am simply a tiny piece of this journey. Esther and her husband will have to give me permission to share our journey with you because I simply won't have it any other way. I also understand that there are moral issues with IVF and other forms of fertility treatments and I want to clear this up:

*Everyone has different views, please don't leave hurtful comments about someones choice. They made it... not you. Just be respectful when commenting on this very delicate situation.

*If you are pro life I hope that you can see where we are coming from with this. We want nothing more than to offer a chance at life to these babies that are in waiting. If it is not meant for them to have a life here on earth, then God will see that through but at least they will be in heaven and not here waiting. But if it is meant for them to have a life here on earth, I want for God to use me however He sees fit.

To close this up I will share this story with you..... While on our trip, we visited their church. It just happened to be Jan. 22nd which is when a landmark decision was made the case Roe v. Wade in 1973 giving women the constitutional right to have abortions. Here I am, sitting beside 2 people desperately wanting a baby and listening to the pastor bring awareness to the church on the issue of abortion. I swear he said the word 100 times, and each time I felt myself slouch in my seat a little farther. It was such an awkward feeling for me, and I have never even had an abortion. After we prayed for God to stop abortions and bring peace to all women who struggle with guilt because of it, the pastor got around to his message. What was it on? Investing in other peoples lives. A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. The entire messages was filled with confirmation from God on our surrogacy. FILLED! God put us in those seats, at that church, with this couple, to hear that message for a reason. We serve an awesome God!

Pray for us as this journey continues! More specifically, pray for finances to be dealt with. We are very excited to see what God has in store for us on this amazing journey together! Here is a blog Esther started just for this new journey!

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." -Ephesians 2:10

Letters Of Intent

It has been quite a while since I joined in for some Letters Of Intent fun, so here we go....



Dear 2012,

You gotta slow down! My goodness I am trying to catch my breath! Also, I need May to stay in the distance for a while. There is just sooooo much going on in May! So do me a favor and put in the breaks. That would be fantastic.

Sincerely,

Where Is The Pause Button?

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Dear Jayce,

I am stoked that you are talking more these days. Your little man voice is so adorable. However, could we please erase the words "no" and "mine" and "go away" thankyouverymuchlulamae from your repertoire? Those phrases just are not as cute as you are. I think it is hilarious that instead of saying "yes" you say "sure". Cutie patootie!

Love,

Your Mommy Who Enjoys Communicating With You

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Dear Mother In Wal-Mart,

Hello, your child has chicken pox! Could you NOT bring him to Wal-mart? I mean, that seems like the logical thing to do to me. Just saying, my kids don't get every vaccine they try to shove at us so it would be nice if you kept your incredibly contagious child home. And bragging about the fact that he has the chicken pox? Odd to say the least.

Signed,

Momma Who Is Not A Fan Of Sick Kids

True Fear

I am a worrier by nature. I am also afraid of lots of things. It would honestly take me less time to make a list of things that don't scare me as apposed to making one of things that do scare me. I wish I was kidding. A few nights ago I felt true fear. I have never felt it before, even though I am afraid of hundreds of things.

We have a fire place and enjoy using it when it is cold out. On this particular evening we had one burning and the chimney was just not cooperating this time. smoke was slowly creeping into the house. Luckily it was easily managed. After the fire died out we aired the house out for a bit and closed the flue. Then we went to bed.

About half an hour later Charlie and I both started wondering why our room smelled like smoke so bad. Our eyes were even burning. We thought it was just because we had shut our door. It seemed odd that it kept getting worse and worse as time went by. Finally Charlie opened the door to see what was going on.

Our house was FILLED with smoke! We rushed to open the doors and windows. We were coughing and our eyes were watering. With both doors wide open and the fan on full blast we got the living room cleared out. We were very concerned that a smoke detector never went off. I mean, they are kinda suppose to let you know when there is SMOKE!!! After an hour of that we went back to bed. Suddenly we both thought... the kids! Their rooms are directly off of the living room. If the smoke was that bad in our rooms what was it like in their rooms? I asked Charlie if it was a big deal. He said, "Ummm yeah smoke inhalation is a pretty big deal, especially kids.". Off I went to check!

I crept across the house and opened Jayce's door. The smell of smoke hit me in the face. I swung his door open and turned on his fan. I quietly went over to his crib, he was laying face down as always. I gently put my hand on his back. He was so still and I was a little shaky so I said his name and ran my finger nails up his back. Nothing.

I called his name louder. Still nothing. I poked he legs, rougher than you can imagine. He did not move.

At that moment I knew he was dead. Literally, my ears started to ring, I could hear my heartbeat inside my head and my body felt tingly. I picked him up by his midsection and dropped him over and over again. His body was limp and he never once moved. I could not breath or think to scream for Charlie to come or even call 9-1-1. I stumbled over to the light and turned it on. I may or may not have said a few choice words.

When I turned back around I saw him turn his head to the side, then he started to stand up. I thought I was going to throw up. I turned the light back off and grabbed him up and held him. I held him and felt him breath. I was shaking and felt so sick to my stomach.

I have always been a fearful person, but now I can safely say that I have never felt true fear. For those 45 to 50 seconds when I was certain that my baby was gone, I was terrified. Numb with fear.

When Jayce was back to bed and Lula Mae had been checked on I went back to my room. Frazzled I explained it all to Charlie. I paced around the house for a while and eventually got back in bed. After laying there for who knows how long exactly, I finally fell asleep.

The next day I just kept praying for all those parents who have gotten up to check on their precious little ones and they really had lost them. I know how they felt, but only a few seconds worth. I can't imagine what it must be like to hold your lifeless child in your arms and weep. I pray I never do. Every time I flashed back to that feeling of fear, I prayed for those parents, the ones who didn't get to go back to bed knowing their baby was fine.

That moment, a time period of mere seconds, make me more grateful to have Jayce. It takes horrible things happening to realize how much you love something. Perhaps I needed that fear and God knew it all along.

Who knew the kid slept that heavy anyway?

Enough

Our bank account is not loaded. We don't have a savings account for the "what if's" in life because God has proven to my husband and I, over and over again, that He always provides.

We have enough.

My closet is not busting at the seams. It is conservative, to say the least. I can't go more than about 3 days without doing laundry because I would be out of pants to wear.

I have enough.

My phone is anything but smart. It can't give me directions, tell me when the movie starts or recommend a good restaurant. It can call people and text them. End of story.

It is enough.

We don't have 3000 channels to watch. There isn't a game on anytime you feel like watching one. Our little Roku gives us lots of family friendly options.... FREE.

It is enough.

Our pantry is not exploding with choices. We plan basic meals and eat what we have. We don't try fancy recipes because they cost way too much money to prepare. Our freezer is not exactly stocked, but we have plenty to eat.

We have enough.

In this society, we are looked at as "odd". We are not all about the latest technology craze, we don't care that our clothes are well worn and are not exactly in style, we don't mind that our meals are not gourmet. We have enough. The world does not know when to say when.... but we do. We are learning at least. We are learning to say "No, that is not necessary.". Life is complicated and overly full of things. We are trying our hardest not to get sucked into that life. We like our life just the way it is. We are fighting to stay simple. We are blessed to have enough. We don't want our life to make since to the world, we want it to make since to God.

He is enough.

My 2012 Resolutions

The more blogs I read, the more I realize most people really hate new years resolutions. I get it, I mean, you make them and then don't keep up with them and then... you fail. Who likes failing? No one likes to fail. However I am a firm believer that goals keep you grounded and focused. I am one who needs goals. I need that "keep your eye on the prize" effect. So this is me saying I really like resolutions, a lot. I make them each year and actually keep up with them through the year. I still fail sometimes, but I still feel like I have tried. So for all you "I refuse to make resolutions that I don't intend to keep"... here are mine! I may be the only person left who makes resolutions, but I don't care.

My 2012 Resolutions

*Financial Goals*

- Increase debt payoff
- Pay off one debt by December
- Continue to work on living debt free
- Plan ahead this year an be prepared for for holidays, taxes, change of seasons for new clothes for the kids, etc.


*Spiritual Goals*

- Find an accountability partner
- Memorize 1 verse per month
- Commit to walking up an hour before the kids for longer quiet time
- Pray for others more


*Other Goals*

- Encourage someone everyday
- Show grace towards my kids
- Set a better example of Christ for my kids
- Be joyful in all things

A few other blogs I read did this thing where they replaced resolutions with a word. It's neat really. You pick one word to help describe how you want your year to be. I like that! So, along with my resolutions I want to pick a word to help me stay on target this year.

My word is: Content.

Amazing when you think that one word can really impact your year. I am excited for 2012. God could do some amazing things this year, and I hope He uses me!

A Plan For Jayce

You all know Jayce and everything that has been going on with him. He has it rough for such a little guy and my heart breaks for him too often for a mommas liking. Luckily my friend Sarah from Clay In His Hands has given me insight into a new treatment plan for Jayce.

Hazelaid

Hazelaid products are a natural way to help relieve different ailments. From teething pain, constipation, eczema, nausea.... among others! This is a family owned business and you can click here to read their story.

Sarah has been using the Hazelaid products on some of her children for a while now and has seemed very satisfied with the results. So I researched the company, read the reviews and then I contacted the company and told them Jayce's story. They have been so helpful in helping me come up with the best way to help Jayce.

There is something in it for all of you too! If you are looking to try one of their products on yourself or a little one in you life, you can use the code Chaos10 at check out and get 10% off of your order! I just ordered Jayce a necklace made of the Hazelwood and Amber beads AND some Hazelwood-Zinc Ointment to pair with it.

After my package arrives I will test these products on Jayce for 2 months before posting a review. After that I will be having a giveaway! I am excited to try this for Jayce. Lately his skin has been so bad that he screams when I put anything on him, even water. I am very optimistic about these wonderful products!