Much Needed

In just a few weeks my hubster and I are going on a vacation.

Together.

Minus the kids.

{sigh}

I am torn. I am going to have a hard time leaving them (although the best two people I know will be with them so I know everything will be fine.) but I know I really must. Charlie and I have not been anywhere alone for more than just a dinner in a little over 3 years now. We need this. Our marriage needs this.

The reason I don't want to leave them all boils down to one thing.... control. I won't be in control of what time they get up, I won't be in control of what they eat, I won't be in control of where they go (most importantly the car they are in)... I won't be in control of them. So wrong, I know, but it is where I struggle the most with my flesh. My flesh really thinks that I have something to do with all of this in the first place.

My faith knows better.

My faith knows that God is in control of my kids and their lives. My faith knows He is the better one for the job than me. My faith knows that me going on a trip for 4 days will not change how much God loves them and protects them. Yet I still feel anxious about the whole thing. It has kept me up at night, it has stolen my focus, it has cause me to have a million breakouts due to stress! Thinking about vacation shouldn't do that! For someone who struggles with fear that is exactly what vacation does.

I keep telling myself that God's plan is perfect. The fact of the matter is that it won't matter if I go on vacation or not, if something is meant to happen to one of my kids because it is God's will my being home with them would not stop it. We are going to be about 8 hours away from them and I have had several people say to me, "I could never be more than 2 hours away from my kids. What if they needed me?". Of course I thought that too... even more so once they verbalized it. But then I remember that God is in control. I could be an hour away or 20 hours away.... it won't change God's will. I have to let go.... if I don't fear will keep me in bondage for the rest of my life. I just can't live like that.

Another thing keeping me from too much excitement about this trip is the fact that poor Eric and Heather will have to deal with our kids. My kids can be tough folks, tougher than you can imagine. I just feel bad handing all that over to someone else... embarrassed almost. Like they will wonder "what in the world are they doing with these kids?????". I know it sounds stuck up, but I am just being honest here. I am certain though that The four of them will have a great time together and make fun memories that will last forever.

So I am praying for peace as our trip approaches. I am excited. I love how excited my hubster is about our trip together. I can't wait to get to talk to him, laugh with him, play games with him, eat a quite dinner with him, hold his hand instead of a toddlers hand, sleep past 7:30 if we want.... I am excited to just enjoy the man that I love.

I would encourage you to spend some time with the one you love. No one ever regrets spending too much time together.



15,000 bloggy points to anyone who can guess where we are going on our trip! (Heather you are not allowed to guess!!!!!)

Extreme Makeover : Lula Mae Edition

The past 4 days Charlie and I have been working together on Lula Mae's room. When we moved in it looked like this.

Luckily shortly after we moved in the carpet was replaced, which left us with removing the wallpaper boarder and painting.

After we removed the very stubborn boarder backing it look like this.


Just real quick.... for the love of all interior decorating please promise me you will never ever put wallpaper or any wallpaper boarders in your house!!!! Taking them off is freaking T.O.R.T.U.R.E. Literally I would rather nail my tongue to a table than have to do that again! And moving on....

This was the room freshly painted in a nice gray (gotta say it is my very favorite paint color right now. Love it!)


And then the fun began! Next we set up a projector and traced Cinderellas castle on the wall. Then, we traced the little Disney girl and got to work painting them both.


We always had a great audience willing to cheer us on.


After then it was all just detail work. Meticulous painting... lots and lots of meticulous painting! The castle took several coats of paint, which included several layers of paint around all the edges of the castle and all is towers, windows, corners, etc.... yeah we had a few late nights working on all those coats, but it was all worth it in the end. I also had to work on the word bubble over the little girl. By the way, I did not paint the Disney letters. A friend of mine got them for me off of ebay a while back. They worked perfectly! All I did was glue them right on wall. It's one of my favorite parts of the room.

After the final coat was finished I set up the projector again and painted the fireworks above the castle.

The little Disney girl turned out better than expected.


Here is the finished room! Yes, it was a lot of work and no I don't think I would do it again, but it was all worth it!


Because this little girl adores her new room. She has thanked us over and over and has not stopped talking about her Disney room.

See, there are a few things Lula Mae really, really loves:

1. Jesus/God/Church/The Bible
2. Uncle Eric
3. Disney World and all things Disney

So basically she LOVES it! I am so glad that she loves it too. Although if she hadn't I would have gladly moved into her room ;-)

Looks like our room is next on the Bell House Extreme Home Makeover. Luckily it won't be so fancy and won't take nearly as long to do. Whew!

I want to close in saying I really understand why decals have become so popular. Murals are no joke!

Doing My Best

At this moment, I am doing my best.

I'm doing my best to hold the bed down. Sure would hate for it to get up and go somewhere.

I am also doing a bit of preventative maintenance, if you will, on the TV and Wii.

FYI our Netflix streaming is working perfectly.

I am also testing out all of our pillows for proper comfort.

I can't really tell yet if they are okay or not, but I am sure after an hour or so of testing I will reach a decision. Can't rush perfection.


Yesterday I read a post that my bloggy buddy Tiffany wrote. So today I am taking some time for me. Yes there is laundry that needs to be done. Yes there are toys that need to be picked up. Yes there is a huge list of things that I could be doing... but today, I am doing nothing. Well, nothing during nap time. I am catching up on blogs, watching some TV, having some quiet time, reading my Bible and I just may take a nap! Who knows! The possibilities are, well I was going to say endless but that just seems like a lie, so lets just say there are a few possibilities. A few very relaxing and enjoyable possibilities.


I hope you will take some time for you today. I have neglected this very important thing for the past few weeks so I am going to get back into the swing of some me time.

Letters Of Intent

Can you believe it is Friday? Me either! Although last weekend was drill so that has a lot to do with it! Lets end this week with some letters of intent! Don't forget to visit Julie for more great letters!

Dear Jayce,

Sweet boy, what happened? You were eating so well! You would eat anything and everything we put in front of you. Now all of a sudden you look at it... pick it up with a disgusting look... put it in your mouth... and then SPIT IT OUT???? Oh dear son you don't weigh enough to refuse food. You are a 14 month old trapped in an 8 month old body. Please, please, please EAT!!! Once you show me you can eat real food I have a big problem regressing back to baby food. Hate it for you buddy but Lula Mae is already the picky eater in the family. She is the oldest ya know. It just isn't fair that your Daddy and I have to deal with TWO picky eaters so why don't you just go ahead and pick a new bad habit. Okay?

Love,

Your Mommy Who Is On The Verge Of A Breakdown

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Dear DIY Network,

I am gonna need you to come crash my yard. I mean, what do I have to do to persuade you wonderful people to come and make my yard look fan-freaking-tastic? This lady is tired and I would really really appreciate it. No rush or anything.... well maybe a little rush... just a little....

Sincerely,

The One Who Loathes Yard Work

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Dear Netfilx,

I am blaming you for all my housework being behind. Yep, all your fault.

Signed,

A Big Old Slacker

One Room Down!

...plenty more to go! I can't believe we have been in our house since January. I still feel like we are getting settled, even though we are quite settled. We have worked on different rooms trying to make them ours but I feel like the progress is slow. We have finished the play room, basically finished our bathroom (to the point we need to right now), finished the living room and finished Jayce's room. The kitchen is still an eye sore but it functions (for a single person, but hey it functions) and our bedroom has yet to be touched but we haven't lost sleep over it yet. Poor Lula Mae keeps asking us when we are going to paint her room so she is next on the list. When we took down the boarder in her room it really messed things up. We have a lot of work ahead of us to get her room ready to paint. She is being so patient but I am ready to give her the big girl room she deserves. But enough of my rambling, I came here to show you Jayce's room!

The owl was my inspiration for the room
(This picture is the only one that really shows the color of the room well. The lighting was horrible so just remember that when you look at the rest of the pictures. Continue on now...)

This is the owls tree

This is the other tree that balances out the other tree

View of both trees

Jayce's toy box, closet and shelf

You can't see it well but the painting says "Jayce"

Jayce's teeny tiny little bitty baby feet and his one year frame (minus his 12 month photo because I am slack and haven't printed pictures in... a while...)

Someone really loves his room :-)

Inexpensive Accessories

I don't wear earrings often. My ears have always been super sensitive and get infected very easily. I have never been one to keep earrings in all the time, I put them on for a reason and then take them off at the end of the day (or as soon as I get home from whatever it was that caused me to put them on in the first place!) Lately I have been feeling very unattractive. I am not the most dolled up person and I feel a little bad for Charlie. I don't enjoy shopping or spending money on myself so I wanted to find a cheap fun way to acquire some new bling. I went to our local craft store and bought a pack of hoops. Then I looked around for some cute buttons. What I love is that in one pack I got 3 options of earrings. Plus, the buttons were only $2.30! I like the small buttons myself, but I could switch out to the large ones for a special outfit. They also looked really good layered.

So if you are looking for a cheap way to dress yourself up for your next date night, head to your local craft store and find some buttons!

Drained

These past few weeks I have felt so... out of it (for lack of a better term).

Lula Mae has been testing a lot of waters these days and has been quite a handful, which always wears me down. It is so hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that my sweet little girl is just as full of sin as I am. She can't be perfect and I shouldn't expect her to be. Why is that so hard for me??? I fail at this over and over and over again! Lately though I can't help but wonder if I am royally screwing her up. I don't know why, I just do. I keep forgetting that God is in control if her and her life.... not me. I have really had to focus on giving her life to Him and trusting that He is helping me raise her for His kingdom. On my own I would surely fail.... with Him all things are possible!

Jayce is now completely off the bottle and the pacifier. He is doing great and is such a good sport. I feel like my baby boy is growing up way to fast. I am worried I missing so much of his babyhood even though I am right here. Funny how even a stay at home mom can feel as though she doesn't get enough time with her kids. Seeing him change so quickly makes me realize just how fleeting this life is.

Emotionally is feel exhausted. I feel like the world is spinning 5 times faster than it should be. I feel like people can tell I am in a weird spot right now, as though it is tattooed on my forehead.

Physically I feel awkward. I look at myself against the other girls my age at church and I feel so out of place. I am nothing like them. I just don't fit in and I feel odd. I don't know that I will ever have friends instead of acquaintances.

Spiritually I feel drained. I feel like I have been screaming to God at the top of my lungs. You know that feeling of being this person.... "Well I called a couple of times already. I left a message. And I sent some text messages. Then I sent an email or two. Oh and I drove to their house and left a note on the door."... I kinda feel like God is avoiding me like I am some kind of stalker. Unfortunately, I am a bad listener and that is not a good quality. I know I need to devote myself to more quite time because God is talking..... I am just too consumed with life to hear Him. He would never avoid me. He hears my heart even when I don't know it's talking to Him. Even knowing this I still feel drained. I need to pour myself into the word and listen.

I have something big that I am praying about that seems a little out there (again, for lack of a better term). It isn't something I can't really tell you much about... sorry, I know that is the worst kinda thing to read! Just know that I could really use your prayers in this one.... it's big.... Rachel I am sure you are smiling ;-) gasp, Amy sharing a prayer request! I can really use tons of prayers but I really am not big on asking. I don't know why, but it is a little foreign to me.

So there you have it folks. A big old post that makes no since in which I make myself completely vulnerable. My heart has just been so anxious and writing is such therapy for me. Unfortunately for you all my journal is part of your viewing pleasure.